The Gazette

4 UNLUCKY BILL. Old Bill Sprong he used to say He "never had no luck!" Always whined the same old way— He never had no luck; Loved a girl, but didn't go Like a man and tell 'er so— Then he whined and said: "You know I never had no luck!" She got married, jiltin' Bill— He never had no luck— There was other girls, but still He never had no luck! Folks woke up to hear, one day, That she'd gone and run away, Yit we heard poor old Bill say He never had no luck. Bill's crops never grew at all— He never had no luck; Barns all empty in the fall— He never had no luck; Weeds, somehow, would always grow Higher than the corn—you know That, somehow, don't help things—oh He never had no luck! Foor old Bill died t'other day— He never had no luck! Sort of just dried up, they say— He never had no luck! When the angel from the sky Come I'll bet Bill cocked his eye, Sayin': "Must I fly so high?— I never had no luck!" —S. E. Kiser, in Chicago Times-Herald. HER horse had shied at the sudden appearance of an automobile and with terror had bounded forward down the drive, throwing Eleanor from her seat and hurling her into an undignified heap on the pavement. The man in the automobile stopped his machine with a jerk, sprang from his seat and ran to her. He leaned over her for a moment, white with fear and excitement. Then, picking her up in his arms, he held her against his breast and looked searchingly into her face. In a moment she opened her eyes and laughed, in a little awkward gasp. He saw that she was not hurt, only a little stunned, perhaps from the shock of the fall, and he felt greatly relieved. But she was pale, and she held her hand over her heart as if the beating of it hurt her. Others had gathered around in the meantime, so he carried her into the house which stood directly opposite the place of the accident. They were strangers to him and to her, but they opened their door hospitably and the servants made the startled girl comfortable, and the physician whom they called in gave her a sleeping draught to quiet her nerves and all seemed well. When Miss Deering eventually opened her eyes and sat up in the strange room and looked about her in a cooler frame of mind, and found that her rescuer had disappeared before she could even thank him. She felt uneasy and unhappy. She had not done her duty in the unfortunate episode, and had created a street scene, and had not even expressed her gratitude to the man who had been so thoughtful and kind. As she recalled his face now, a sudden, peculiar tumult filled her breast. Something in those eyes, some fleeting expression of the lips was strangely familiar to her. When her hostess finally accompanied her home she even confessed the mysterious man had not left his name, that he had remained only until he knew that Eleanor was not injured, and then had left as if greatly chagrined with himself because of the accident. For months afterward his face haunted Eleanor. She watched the passing crowds, searching the countenance of each pedestrian for a chance glimpse of that dear head, grown sweet and idealistic to her because of persistent thought. Every avenue, every thoroughfare was sacred because she fancied that some time she would encounter him again. At last, just once, she passed him in the street. She looked at him searchingly. He was tall, his figure was fine and strong. There was a calm dignity about him that pleased her. She noticed a tinge of gray in the hair at his temples, but he carried himself with the buoyant swing of youth and vigor. When she had bowed to him he returned her look inquiringly, wondering where he had seen or met before. He groped in his mind for some vague recollection which annoyed him for a time and then dismissed the matter unsolved. Miss Deering was an intellectual and progressive young woman. She had been called intelligent, even clever, and though she resented being classed with brainy women, nevertheless she continued to do those things which went far to dub and brand her as a bluestocking. Her latest fad, into which she was putting her whole soul and energy, was the writing of a novel, the purpose of which was to extol and beautify the lives of a little colony of Hungarians who had insinuated themselves into the Ghetto and had lived there apart from the world, seemingly untouched by the degradation and poverty which surrounded them. Her visits to that colony were frequent. She dined with those members whom she knew; she entertained them with music; she talked politics and the mother country; she applauded their own patriotism; she sympathized with them; she insinuated herself into their hearts and became temporarily one of them. On one of her little jaunts into the district she was calling upon a family who lived in a sub-basement. During her sojourn there in the evening she overheard accidentally the name of a well-known man through a thin partition of an adjoining room. "John Welton—John Welton," they kept repeating between snatches of hurried blasphemous talk. "Welton—money—three blocks—club—Michigan THE GAZETTE, CLEVELAND, O., SATURDAY, AUGUST 25. 1900. —drunk—friends—" these were the detached words which she caught, and they seemed to thunder in her ears like a knell of destined evil to an unknown human being. Suddenly the talk seemed to cease, and she could hear no more, but that name had seared itself into her brain. It was a familiar one to her. She had heard it often before, and she remembered that the John Welton whom she had heard about was a clubman, and that once she had been acquainted with his sister. She inquired of her humble Ghetto hostess who her neighbors were, but the latter declined all information in a half-frightened way, and she said that they were strangers, whom it was best not to know. Eleanor watched the alley way that led to their rooms, and in time her vigilance was rewarded by the appearance of a bunch of young toughs, silent now and apprehensive, eying the neighborhood as they emerged with flashing, penetrating glances. Their manner seemed significant of evil. When Eleanor went home that night she retired to her room early, and lay awake for hours with the name of John Welton ringing in her ears. The snatches of talk rose up again as a warning to her. It was a queer incident, and it seemed to her as if Welton were in danger, and that she had been chosen as the instrument to help him. The next morning she awoke with the thought still vivid and rampant in her brain. She consulted the city directory, and found only one John Welton. "Shall I write to him, and tell him that I heard his name tossed from lip to lip from the mouths of thieves?" she pondered. "But, no, he will think that I am a crank or an accomplice trying to extort money. No, he won't even appreciate it. He will read it, and laugh, and imagine that I have an object in approaching him other than a purely disinterested one. I shall go and see him personally. Then I can explain all the circumstances, and he will understand and—perhaps he will be thankful for it." It took Eleanor precisely two weeks to make up her mind to approach the unknown John Welton. In that time the duty of warning him took definite form in her mind, and it made her braver. She found the number and street of his place of business, and she walked resolutely into his office. A clerk asked her to be seated and Mr. Welton would see her in a short time. She waited a few terrible moments, wondering what John Welton was like, hoping that he would not think her an adventuress, and whether he would laugh at her fears, or be cordial and polite to her. The door opened and Welton walked in. Eleanor looked up, and as she saw him standing there her heart leaped to her mouth. A gray mist rose before her eye, and she saw the vision of a man in an automobile and a disheveled girl lying on the pavement, and all the details of an accident that had occurred to her many months before. A little laugh of exultation echoed in her soul. The hand of Providence had led her to the man that she had watched for so long in public places. "Are you Mr. John Welton?" she stammered, irresolutely. Generally self-spossessed, she was seized by this unexpected encounter with something like fright for the first time in her life. She rushed through her story, getting it badly confused, and conscious of the fact that this man whom she was talking with was the one above all whom she would much rather have met in a more conventional way. He searched her face pointedly. She was conscious of his scrutiny as she talked. He listened and made no comment. Then a light seemed to dawn in his brain, and he smiled suddenly, in a frankly pleased way. "I remember now," he said, with bold inspiration, in the midst of her conversation, as if the information she had brought to him were of no consequence, and that he was thinking only of her. "You are the girl that I assisted on the drive one day when you had been thrown. Aren't you?" "Yes," she exclaimed, frankly, "and I have been looking for you for months, only to thank you for having been so kind to me, and now fate has helped me, and I am able to tell you how much I appreciate what you did." "And I think, Miss Deering, that you have amply repaid me for that tiny service. You are a most generous, whole-souled girl to wish to warn me of possible danger." He walked with her to the elevator, and he asked her if he might not know her better. When she acquiesced it seemed to him as if it it were with reluctance. She had gone away coldly. Her formality was overdrawn, he thought. A week later a box of flowers with a note from Welton reached Eleanor. The message was more than a friendly one. It ran: "This is to thank you for the kindness you have performed for me. It will be a great honor, my dear Miss Deering, if you will permit me to call upon you. Believe me, since the day I met you so inopportunely on the drive your sweet image has clung in my brain. I had often wished that I might see you again, and when you came to me of your own accord, when Providence took a hand in my wish, that was a glorious day, and your coming made it all the grander. May I hope to see you to-morrow evening?" Eleanor read the note and kissed it, and sat down to answer it. At first she wrote a long reply telling him that she was happy that they had met. Then she destroyed it and simply wrote: "Yes, you may come." But she read his own note over and over again, coaxing from the depths of the sentences all the tenderness of his meaning. "Elleanor, dear," he said to her some weeks afterward, "I don't know whether to thank your horse or my automobile for having brought us together." "Neither, Jack. It was a gang of thieves," she answered, "and an unfinished novel, and my love of vicarious adventure, you know. Even thieves and novels seem to have been created for a purpose."—Chicago Tribune. Printing in China 2,000 Years Ago. Printing is said to have been known in China as early as 200 B. C. CURED BY CASCARETS CANDY CATHARTIC BEST FOR THE BOWELS 10c. 25c. 50c. ALL DRUGGISTS To any needy mortal suffering from bowel troubles and too poor to buy CASCARETS we will send a box free. Address Sterling Remedy Company, Chicago or New York, mentioning advertisement and paper. More Cheap Excursions to Colorado. Special Trains, one night out to Denver, Colorado Springs and Pueblo via the Great Rock Island Route, will leave Chicago August 21, Sept. 4 and 18, at 4:45 p. m. On these dates excursion tickets from Chicago to Denver, Colorado Springs, Pueblo, Glenwood Springs, Salt Lake City and Ogden, Utah, will be sold at rate of one regular fare plus $2.00 for round trip, return limit Oct. 31, 1900. Tickets also good on regular trains. For full information, berth reservations and beautiful book "C Colorado the Magnificent," sent free, address John Sebastian, G. P. A., Chicago. Cases Alter Circumstances. Maude—Would you marry a man you didn't love? Clara—No, indeed. "But suppose he had a million?" "Oh, then I'd love him."—Chicago Evening News. Lane's Family Medicine. Moves the bowels each day. In order to be healthy this is necessary. Acts gently on the liver and kidneys. Cures sick headache. Price 25 and 50c. Fixing the Blame. Critic—Your picture doesn't resemble nature. Artist—The picture is all right. If nature doesn't look that way, so much the worse for nature—Somerville Journal. An English tourist, who had left a waterproof on a train, weft back to look for it. On asking the occupants of a third-class carriage compartment whether they had seen anything of a "mackintosh," "Na, na," one of them replied, "we're a' Macphersons here."—Glasgow Evening Times. The Boxers of China are attempting to solve a gigantic problem, but they are going about it in the wrong way and will never succeed. Some people, in this country, seem to think that they have as great a puzzle on their hands in selecting a location for a home. They will certainly go about it in the wrong way unless they inspect the beautiful farming country on the line of the Chicago, Milwaukee & St. Paul Railway in Marinette county, Wisconsin, where the crops are of the best, work plenty, fine markets, excellent climate, pure, soft water; land sold cheap and on long time. Why rent a farm when you can buy one for less than you pay for rent? Address C. E. Rolls, Land Agent, 161 La Salle St., Chicago, Ill. Another Chinese Outbreak. "Yes," the witness declared, "I could give further evidence against the prisoner, but, as Kipling says, "that's another—" "Never mind what Kip Ling says," interrupted the magistrate; "the Chinee can testify fur himself when his turn comes."—New Jersey Law Journal. Every Boy and Girl should learn to write with Carter's Ink, be cause it is the best in the world. "Ink lings in Ink,"free. Carter's Ink Co., Boston Speak Out. As a rule the person who says he has no choice about the spring chicken never looks thoroughly satisfied with the piece he gets. —Indianapolis Journal. To Cure a Cold in One Day Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. All druggists refund money if it fails to cure. 25c. "No, Geraldine, the partition of China is not the same thing as the Chinese wall. —Indianapolis News. Hall's Catarrh Cure Is a Constitutional Cure. Price, 75c. Danger cannot be surmounted without danger. —Chicago Daily News. When a man gets down, he not only has the right, but it is his duty to get up as soon as possible. No man should consent to sprawl in the mud forever because he has accidentally fallen into it. —Chishison Globe. In running to a fire, a man becomes discouraged, in less than two blocks, but a woman runs until she reaches the front gate of a friend's house, when she realizes that she isn't dressed fit to be seen on the streets, and stays until dark.—Atechison Globe. Military Cyclist—"Look, here, old chap, I can excuse explosive bullets, white flags and all that sort of thing, but to deliberately fire at and burst a fellow's tire is not warfare. Why couldn't they have fired at me instead?"—Alley Sloper. Irrational—The trillionaire startled his entourage terribly, to-day. "I am happier," he observed, "than I was when I hadn't a dollar!" It is clearer than ever that he is insane, and will presently have to be immured. Certainly nothing could be more irrational than this remark of his.—Detroit Journal. The missionary perceived that he must be very adroit if he would induce these Chinese women to give up the practice of foot-binding. It was not enough that he had collated statistics to show that there is more real agony in wearing a 2A shoe on a 4B foot, after the manner of civilized women, than in binding the feet, after the Chinese custom. If the benighted Chinese women could be got to believe this, all would be well; but they were exceedingly superstitious.-Detroit Journal. L'Enfant Terrible.-Little Millicent, the infant prodigy, daughter of Montmorency Mugger, the eminent comedian, had partaken copiously of a light lunch of green apples. Shortly afterwards she remarked to her papa: "I feel just like a store window." "Why?" asked papa, in the tone of one who carries on a conversation for the purpose of supplying cues to the orchestra. "Because I have such a large pain in my sash." This joke will be tried on an audience in Washington early next season.-Baltimore North American. A man is holding a baby in his arms. The man is wearing a suit and has a worried expression. The baby is crying with its mouth open. The name Waltham engraved on every movement the American Waltham Watch Company makes, guarantees the movement absolutely and without any reservation whatsoever. "The Perfected American Watch", an illustrated book of interesting information about watches, will be sent free upon request. Do you forget that summer's coming with all its dangers to the little ones-all troubles bred in the bowels. The summer's heat kills babies and little children because their little insides are not in good, clean, strong condition. Winter has filled the system with bile. Belching, vomiting up of sour food, rash, flushed skin, colic, restlessness, diarrhoea or constipation, all testify that the bowels are out of order. If you want the little ones to face the coming dangers without anxious fear for their lives, see that the baby's bowels are gently, soothingly, but positively cleaned out in the spring time, and made strong and healthy before hot weather sets in. The only safe laxative for children, pleasant to take (they ask for more) is CASCARETS. Nursing mothers make their milk mildly purgative for the baby by eating a CASCARET now and then. Mama eats a CASCARET, baby gets the 10c box of CASCARETS to-day and you will find that, as we little and big childrens insides are If You Have Pimples, Tetter, Eczema or any disease of the skin or Mucous Membranes that can be reached by an outward application, it can be cured by using Palmer's Lotion, the great beautifier and Skin Curer, which should be kept in every household ready for any emergency. Palmer's Lotion Soap possesses all the medicinal properties of this Lotion, and should be used in connection with it, in preference to any other soap, as it will greatly assist in curing all such afflictions. If your druggist does not keep it, send his name to Solon Palmer, 374 Pearl Street, New York, and receive free pamphlet of testimonials with sample of Lotion or Soap. "This boy of mine," said the distressed parent, "has always been backward in his lessons. He doesn't seem to be smart enough." "You leave him with me," said the old-fashioned pedagogue, significantly. "I'll make him smart."—Philadelphia Record. Diddler—"Do you think your tailor would trust me with a suit of clothes, old man?" Robinson (dubiously)—"Does he know you?" Diddler—"No." Robinson—"Oh, then he might. Try him."—N. Y. World. All goods are alike to PUTNAM FADELLESS DYES, as they color all fibers at one boiling. Sold by all druggists. People resemble pianos when they are square, upright and grand.—Chicago Daily News. Piso's Cure cannot be too highly spoken of as a cough cure.—J. W. O'Brien, 322 Third Ave., N., Minneapolis, Minn., Jan. 6, 1900. A few men are self-made, but many more are self-unmade.—Chicago Daily News. Throw physic to the dogs—if you don't want the dogs—but if you want good digestion chew Beeman's Pepsin Gum. Ten Years Pain "I am a schoolteacher, have suffered agony monthly for ten years. "My nervous system was a wreck. I suffered with pain in my side and had almost every ill known. I had taken treatment from a number of physicians who gave me no relief. "One specialist said no medicine could help me, I must submit to an operation. "I wrote to Mrs. Pinkham, stating my case, and received a prompt reply. I took Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound and followed the advice given me and now I suffer no more. If any one cares to know more about my case, I will cheerfully answer all letters."—MISS EDNA ELLIS, Higginsport, Ohio. NEBRASKA THE LAND OF PLENTY I wonder why it is that so many men spend their days working hard on rented farms, barely making enough to get along, with no great prospect ahead of owning their own homes, when within a few hours' journey is a land of plenty Nebraska—where all kinds of grain and fruit can be raised with the least amount of labor; where cattle and hogs fed on corn bring a handsome profit; where the climate is healthful and churches and schools abound; where land is cheap and can be bought on very easy terms. Think of this, and if you want information about the country send to me for "The Corn Belt," a beautifully illustrated monthly paper that tells all about Nebraska, and also for "The West Nebraska Grazing Country," an interesting illustrated booklet containing a large sectional map of Nebraska. On the first and third Tuesdays of each month during the balance of this year cheap excursion tickets will be sold over our road to Nebraska, so that people may go and see for themselves. Ask your ticket agent about this. P. S. EUSTIS, Gen'l Pass'r Agt. C. B. & Q. R. R. CHICAGO TO OMAHA Double Daily Service Newline vla Rockford, Dubuque, Waterloo, Fort Dodge and Coun- clubs, Buffalo library-smoking- cars, sleeping cars, free reclining chair cars, dining cars. Send to the undersigned for a free copy of Pictures and Notes En-Route illustrating this new line as seen from the car window. Tickets of agents of I.C. R. R. and connecting lines. A. H. HANSON, G. P. A., Chicago LADIES! When Doctors and others fail to relieve you, try N. F. M. B.; it never fails. Box free. Mrs. B. A. Aowan, Milwaukee, Wits. ILLINOIS FARMS FOR SALE IN TRACTS of 40 to 400 ACRES. G. W. FITHIAN, NEWTON, ILL. FRANKLIN COLLEGE New Athens, O. 76th year. and 350 Ministers; total, 8130 a year; books free; board and rooms less than cost; no saloons; catalogue free; with plan to earn funds at home. W. A. WILLIAMS, D.D., Pres. ST. MARY'S ACADEMY Conducted by the Sisters of the Holy Cross. Chartered 1855. Thorough English and Classical education. Regular Collegiate Degrees. In Preparatory Department students carefully prepared for collegiate course. Physical and Chemical Laboratories well equipped. Conservatory of Music and School of Art. Gymnasium under direction of graduate of Boston Normal School of Gymnastics. Catalogue free. The 46th year opens Sept. 4, 1900. Address, DIRECTRESS OF THE ACADEMY, St. Mary's Academy, - Notre Dame, Indiana. FALLING HAIR THE HAIR Save Your Hair with Shampoos of Cuticura SOAP And light dressings of CUTICURA, purest of emollient skin cures. This treatment at once stops falling hair, removes crusts, scales, and dandruff, soothes irritated, itching surfaces, stimulates the hair follicles, supplies the roots with energy and nourishment, and makes the hair grow upon a sweet, wholesome, healthy scalp when all else fails. Millions of Women Use CUTICURA SOAP exclusively for preserving, purifying, and beautifying the skin, for cleansing the scalp of crusts, scales, and dandruff, and the stopping of falling hair, for softening, whitening, and healing, red, rough, and sore hands, in the form of baths for annoying irritations and chafings, or too free or offensive perspiration, in the form of washes for ulcerative weaknesses, and for many antiseptic purposes which readily suggest themselves to women, and especially mothers, and for all the purposes of the toilet, bath, and nursery. No amount of persuasion can induce those who have once used it to use any other, especially for preserving and purifying the skin, scalp, and hair of infants and children. CUTICURA SOAP combines delicate emollient properties derived from CUTICURA, the great skin cure, with the purest of cleansing ingredients, and the most refreshing of flower odors. No other medicated soap ever compounded is to be compared with it for preserving, purifying, and beautifying the skin, scalp, hair, and hands. No other foreign or domestic toilet soap, however expensive, is to be compared with it for all the purposes of the toilet, bath, and nursery. Thus it combines, in ONE SOAP at ONE PRICE, viz., TWENTY-FIVE CENTS, the BEST skin and complexion soap, the BEST toilet and BEST baby soap in the world. All that has been said of CUTICURA SOAP may be said with even greater emphasis of CUTICURA Ointment, the most delicate, and yet most effective of emollients, and greatest of skin cures. Its use in connection with CUTICURA SOAP (as per directions around each package), in the "ONE NIGHT CURE FOR SORRE HANDS," in the "INSTANT RELIEF TREATMENT FOR DISFIGURING ITCHINGS AND IRRITATIONS," and in many uses too numerous to mention, is sufficient to prove its superiority over all other preparations for the skin. Cuticura Complete External and Internal Treatment for every Humor, consisting of CUTICURA SOAP (25c.), to cleanse the skin of crusts and scales and soften the thickened cuticle, CUTICURA OINTMENT (50c.), to instantly allay itching, inflammation, and irritation, and to cleanse and heal, and CUTICURA RESOLVENT (50c.), to cool and clean the blood. A SINGLE SET is often sufficient to cure the most torturing, disfiguring, and humiliating skin, scalp, and blood humors, with loss of hair, when all else fails. POTTER DRUG AND CHEM. CORP., Sole Prop., Boston. "All about the Skin, Scalp, and Hair," free. to waste, as there is no finished end to cut off and throw away. When you buy three Old Virginia Cheroots for five cents, you have more to smoke, and of better quality, than you have when you pay fifteen cents for three Five Cent cigars. Three hundred million Old Virginia Cheroots smoked this year. Ask your own dealer. Price, 3 for 5 cents. Heirs of Union Soldiers who made homesteads of less than 160 acres before June 22, 1874 (no matter if abandoned) if the additional homestead right was not sold or used, should address, with full particulars, HENRI N. COPP, Washington, D. C. Free Dessert. All grocers in town are giving free a package of Burnham's Cream Custard, which makes two quarts of Ice Cream or ten cups of Custard, no cooking or baking; with the purchase of a package of Burnham's Hasty Jellycon, the finest prepared Jelly Powder. Order to day. Jellycon comes in six delicious flavors. ROOFING I Cent a Square Ft. Including caps and nails. The BEST RED ROOFING. SAMPLES FREE. THE FAY MANILLA ROOFING CO., Camden, N. J. RHEU MATISM Van Buren's Rheu- matic Compound is the only positive cure. Past ex- perience speaks for itself. Depot S. & California Ave., Chicago. A. N. K.-C 1827 PISO'S CURE FOR CURSES WHERE ELSE FAILS. Best Cough Syrup. Tastes Good. Use in time. Sold by druggers. CONSUMPTION