The Afro-American Advance

VOL. II. NO. 30. UT SAMUEL V. Candidate for Republican R tive Forty-first L Fifth and S SAMUEL V. MORRIS, JR., Candidate for Republican Renomination for Representative Forty-first Legislative District, Fifth and Sixth Wards. Mr. Morris is general agent of the Preferred Accident Insurance Company, with offices in the Phoenix building. He has once represented the district in the legislature, and the most critical can find no reason to oppose his nomination. He is especially popular with the colored people and deservedly His Honor's Joke. Sam Bedford relates a good joke that occurred at Caliboo this week in Judge Owen's court. A case was on trial, and the judge told him that he kept moving about in the rear of the courtroom, lifting chairs and looking under benches. "big man," Judge Owen called, "you are making a great deal of unnecessary noise. What are you about?" "Your honor," replied the man, "I have lost my overcoat and am trying to find it." "I said the judge, 'you often lose whole animals, and all that disturbance.'" -Owensboro Inquirer M. B. LOUIS A County Attorney Hennepin nomination by County Attorney Hennepin County—Candidate for Renomination by Republicans. Born 1855. Illinois. Brought up on a farm and educated in common schools and Illinois Normal and Industrial Universities. Taught school and admitted to the bar 1882. Resided in Minneapolis Horrors of War. The hardworked humorist sat at his desk, and without the slightest apparent effort he dashed this off: "Why do you Peking here?" asked Tsi Ann of the Russian general, who was reconnoitering in the imperial neighborhood. I am going to Taku," was the reference reply. Yet such things as this were not mentioned among the horrors of war discussed at the Hague conference. — Baltimore American. A nice, refined new expression is: "Aw! stop chewing the rag or you'll get lint in your lungs!" — Indianapolis News. 2 THOMAS G Candidate for Nomination Tie Mr. Gallagher, who has been a resi- dent of the city for 21 years, was a charter member of the Bricklayers' The Afro-American Advance. MORRIS, JR., ennomination for Representa- legislative District, fifth Wards. so. He did more valiant service in behalh of Frank Wheaton's election to the legislature, than perhaps any other one man in the city. Every colored voter in the forty-first district owes it to himself and his race to accord to Mr. Morris his earnest and untiring support for the office to which he aspires. An Author Wants a Chance A publishing firm recently received the following offer from an anxious autobiographer who probably had been reading Morgan Night's book to put my life beyond life. Bice if we can Anuf Out of it to give me a start in the world. I led a Criminal life 21 years Arested 29 times at 27 times Released on 29th December. I visited 7 times Broke 1 pen and taken 27 Convicts with me. Waylaid and shot my fathern law twice married seperated and Dyvosed. If I can get a start in the World I will do so. It's London News. A. REED. County—Candidate for Re- epublicans. since 1880. Always Republican and elected county attorney Hennepin in county, November, 1898, and by reason of his honest, economical and successful administration is entitled to renomination. Recreation "Have you had a vacation this summer, Mr. Cavil?" asked Tempet. "Once, my wife took me to the cemetery once, to see the grave of her first husband." — Judge. The Golden Rule in Texas When men learn to do unto others as they would have others do unto them, horse trading will have become one of the lost arts. -Galveston News. It is said that doctors never take their own medicines—yet they usually profit by their own advice. -Chicago Daily News. ALLAGHER, n for Sheriff on Republican ucket. union in the earlier days and worked at the bricklayer's trade for eight or nine years. He is well known as a friend of organized labor. MINNEAPOLIS AND ST. PAUL, MINN., SATURDAY, SEPT. 15, 1900. A Political Potpourri. CHAS G LAYBOURN CHAS. G. LAYBOURN. The nomination to the office of judge of the district court on the Republican ticket, is in many quarters conceded to Chas. G. Laybourn. Early in the campaign many believed that Mr. Laybourn was not well enough known to land the nomination, although it was admitted on all sides that where he was known that he was the most formidable candidate; but the last few weeks have told exceedingly in his favor, and those that are in a position to know, claim that he in the labor will get practically the solid labor he will receive the reason that he has the affiliations and friendship of all classes of laboring man, and is regarded as a man without race or other prejudices. The colored people of this city have had occasion to know in numerous instances in the past that Mr. Labourn was fair and impartial to all alike, whether white or black, Jew or Gentile, rich or poor, and this will undoubtedly be the means of securing to him the great popular vote. No one has anything against him, and everybody that knows him speaks in praise of him. M. B. DR. A. A. AMES, The People's Choice for Mayor. DR. A. A. AMES, The People's Choice for Mayor. JOSEPH H. JOHNSON. Candidate for alderman Fifth ward. Mr. Johnson is the head of one of the leading undertaking establishments in Minnesota, and enjoys the confidence of the business men of the city to an extent that none of his competitors can boast of. He is acquainted with the ward and its needs from one end of it to the other. He is equally popular with the banker, the merchant, and the laborer, each of whom from present indications, think him just about the kind of man to represent them in the city council. His business Mr. Johnson has often been called to the homes of poor people on the occasion of death in their family, and in innumerable occasions has he out of the fullness of his heart officiated at their funerals with nothing more substantial than a promise for his pay. Mr Johnson is a man who rates every man according to his merit and makes no difference in his treatment of men because of color or race. If he is elected alderman he will honestly and zealously guard the interests of all the residents of the Fifth ward. The best interests of the ward and the city at large demand his nomination and election to the council. The Hennepin County Colored Men's Political Association, an independent organization with a membership of over 100, has opened up headquarters at 216 Washington avenue south. Thos. B. Parker is president and John G. Sterrett is secretary. James L. Curtis is the chief of the executive meeting. They had headquarters last evening, about 300 people being out. The association bids air to be very much in evidence during the campaign. OVERSTEPPING THE BOUNDS He Wanted to Pay the Parson More But the, Rules and Regulations Were Against Him. "The first charge I ever held was in a small town in the western part of the state," said a well-known minister, who was in a reminiscence mood. "The town was very poor and unable to my congregation was very poor and unable to much toward the support of a minister, so they made up what they lacked in cash by holding donation parties now and then during the year to eke out the small salary that they had. "The first infliction of this kind that I had called a pound donation party, at which everyone was expected to bring a pound of something or other. Among the people was a member who had more worldly goods than all the rest together, but he had the reputation of being 'near,' and I confess that I looked forward with some interest to see what he would bring. Imagine my consternation when I undid his package and found nothing but a few small potatoes. "I met him the next day and had hard work to remember that I was a minister of mine and tried him pleasantly. He said that he tried him privately for a moment and drew me aside. "Parson," he said, earnestly. "I'm downright sorry that the rules and regulations prohibited me from bringing more a pound of them potatoes, but," he added, dropping his voice to a whisper, "I gave you downweight!" Something for All Seasons. In an uptown political club they are telling a story at the expense of the wife of one of the members—a man who had suddenly arisen from poverty to comparative attachement through a garbage contract. A new business, the office of a borhood, and the wife spent many busy days in furnishing it. When she reached the item of mattresses she went to a big department store on Market street and made known her wants to do. She said, "that you want the beat spring mattresses." "Not at all" was the quick retort. "You needn't think because I'm rich I'm easy. A spring mattress, indeed! Sure, I want mattresses you want winter. I'm not buying a mattress for every season in the year." Philadelphia Call. M. B. FRANK H. FORBES We present above a picture of Mr. Frank H. Forbes, who is a candidate for the nomination for register of deeds. We do not deem it at all necessary to go much into details as a means of introduction of this well known gentleman. He has lived in Minneapolis for two decades, and he is a thousand of friends who favor him. He then votes by reason of personal friendship rather than for any political "pull." He is not a politician, but a business man in whom the community has confidence. He is fully competent to fill the office acceptably if elected, and to those of the colored people who have a personal acquaintance with him, it is needless to say that he is broad minded enough to be considerate of the rights of all classes. He is a courteous and accommodating gentleman at all times. He is probably best known as the private secretary to Mayor Pratt during his two terms, where he provided him with the kind of education he often had occasion to visit that office for aid or advice. He is also largely known as a member of the Masonic quartet, whose singing has delighted so many thousands of our people and always freely tendered on occasions of charity or public interest. He solicits the vote of the colored people and no man will ever have occasion to regret whatever of sunnort or influence he may give Mr. Forbes. Certainly a Prize Thought A teacher of music in one of the public schools of the south desired to impress the pupils with the meaning of the signs "F" and "H" in a song they were about to sing. After explaining that "F" meant forte, he said: "Now, children, if 'F' means forte, what does 'F' mean?" Silence reigned for a moment, and then he was astonished to hear a bright little felt low about: "Eighty!"-New Lippincott. Elmer W. Gray was born near Cleveland, Ohio. forty-five years ago. Moved to Illinois at the age of 12. Received a common school education; learned the trade of book binder; attended the University of Illinois; taught school for three years and was admitted to the bar by the supreme court of Illinois in 1879. Practiced law in Illinois for six years, came to this city in 1885 where he has since resided. He was one of the city justices from 1893 to 1899. Was a candidate for special judge in 1899. Was second in a field of fourteen candidates. He has had a large experience in the general practice of law during the last twenty years and is eminently qualified to fill the position he seeks. Art in Pennsylvania. Our community has received a social and professional addition in the person of Mr. Blank, who returns to our nativetown to an accomplished artist. Paul Blank was regarded as one of the best men in the Hotel Blank's barber shop. He has now a position in Tom Johnson's son's social party. M. J. L. DOBBIN Candidate for Nomination for Representative to the State Legislature, Forty-first District, Comprising Fifth and Sixth Wards. Mr. Dobbin, who has been a resident of the city for 18 years, resides at present at Hampshire Arms, corner Ninth street and Fourth avenue south. He is well known in the community, having held a number of prominent positions, among them being that of commander of Geo. N. Morgan Post, G. A. R. during 1899. He was an abolitionist and entered the Union army at 16 years old, to fight for the preservation of the Union. He has been engaged in law practice for 18 years in the city, having offices at present in Temple Court. He was induced to run for the legislature by prominent men of the Fifth and Sixth wards. THE FAT MAN'S LITTLE JOKE. He Sprung It on the Steamboat Captain and Got His Large Party Aboard. A Coney Island excursion steamer was leaving New York with but few passengers aboard. The boat had just cast off, says the Sun, when a stout man with a very red face rushed down the pier, and flourishing his stick, shouted: "Hey, captain! Put back the hook, her quick. Here's a large party wants to go." The captain was at first derisive, but finally shouted from the pilot house: "How large is the party?" For an instant the fat man hesitated, then he yelled back: "Between 60 and 70." As soon as the captain heard this number he instantly insterted the steamer back and made fast again. The fat man waddled across the gangplank, and, picking out a cock seat, fanned himself with his sneeze hair. He waited for the crew wanted for the party to arrive. After waiting five minutes and the captain turned impatiently toward the stout man and asked: “Where’s your party between 7:00? This boat can't wait all day for them.” “Oh, that's all right,” replied the fat passenger, with a bland smile. “I'm the party—65 to-day, sir.” The captain's face grew redder even than the crew, who usually tang the bell to steam ahead, but the fat man at once became the hero of the boat. Family Ties Exhausted. At one of the great department stores the other day a young man was indulging in a air persiflage with the pretty shop girl behind the counter while waiting for his change. "What a wonderful place you have here he said. "What do you sell, yourself?" "What do you sell, everything?" was the incredulous comment. "What do you mean by everything?" "Just what I say," responded the girl. "Anything you want we can supply you with here." "Oh, you can, eh?" commented the pretensions Alexander. "Well, let me look at it," he said. "With demure countenance, the girl went away, but in a moment returned and said: "I am sorry, but the manager tells me that we are just out of family ties, owing to the great demand. Perhaps you'd like to look at some family jars? The young man demeaned the latter was an un desirable commodity, and he would have none of it.—N. Y. Tribune." When He Yielded. The judge of a western court decided a point adversely to a certain lawyer. The lawyer was stubborn and insisted that the judge write that he would "I tell you that I am right!" yelled the judge, with flashing eyes. "I tell you that you are not!" retorted the counsel. "Crier!" called the judge, "I adjourn the court for ten minutes." He pitched into the counsel, and, after a lively little fight, placed him hors de combat, after which business was resumed. But it was not long before another misunderstanding arose. "Crier!" cried the judge, "we will adjourn this time for 20 minutes." "Crier!" cried the counsel, "keep on your coat—the point is yielded. My thumb's out of joint and I've sprained my shoulder." Spare Moments. Stealing His Thunder. The indignant-looking passenger was about to speak, but the conductor headed him off by exclamation, in a loud tone of irritation: "This is the slowest train I was ever on. What's the use of having a schedule if it doesn't matter? You don't drink water tastes as if it hadn't been off the kitchen range ten minutes. The car doesn't look as if it had been swept for a month, and it is full of idols who insist on opening the windows when we go through the door. The passenger caught his breath and then exclaimed: "I was just about to say that this whole affair is an outrage." "I know it. But you're lucky. You can get a few of the tickets, and a few I've got to stay on this train for hours every day of my life." -Washington Star. Housewife and Burglar The burglar had entered the house as quietly as possible, but his shoes were not padded and they made some noise. He had heard some noise in the bed as he heard some one moving in the bed as if to get up, and he paused. The sound of a woman's voice floated to his ears. "If you don't take off your boots when you come in, you will be in trouble," he said. "It be trouble, and a whole lot of it. Here it is being rained for three hours, and you dare to tramp over my carpets with your muddy boots. On Goddowns and take them off." He didn't take off his boots. Instead he went out into the night again, and the "pal" who was waiting for him saw a tear gin in his eye. "I can't rob that house," he said. "I remove me of home." Lewiston (Me.) Acrobatic After supper he procured his wife's beat clothline from the back shed, fastened one end of it to his St. Bernard's collar and the other to that of his St. Bernard. He dug into the middle of the road and mounted. For about four rods, that is until the St. Bernard espied a canine friend, the sensation was dreamlike, after that he bounced the dog off the fence, desperately the rider clutched handle bars, back pedaled and fairly howled, until at last he became sufficiently cool to call to the dog to stop. It stopped and he went on till it struck the dog amidships, then it rose in the air, sending its rider toward cloudland. His head tried conclusions with the curb, and when they brought him to prompt attention never to do it again—Detroit Free Press. A Heroicful Phrase. A kind-hearted clerkman was lately compelled to dismiss a clever gardener, who used to purify his fruit and vegetables. For the sake of his health, this is how he worded it: "I hereby certify that A. B. has been my gardener for over two years, and that during that time he got more out of my garden than I man I ever employed." -Collier Weekly. Respected Her Confidence Poesia—The poem I sent you, Mr. Editor, contains the deepest secrets of my soul. Editor-I know it, madam; and no one shall ever find them out through me.—Stray Stories. Growing Optimism The Pessimist—That water is awfully slow with those cheese sandwiches. The Optimist—Oh, never mind. The longer we wait the better grows the cheese.—Indianaapolis Press. Cosmelian—"They laughed very heartily at my jokes to night." Critic—"Ah, yes. Any old humor passes for good humor if the audience happens to be in good humor for laughing." Buffalo News. Mother (sternly) "He kissed you twice, to my knowledge, and I don't know how often after that." Daughter—"Neither do I, ma. I never was much good at mental arithmetic." Philadelphia Press. The han-packed husband finds small conversation in the fact that she won't let anyone else nag him. Chicago Democrat. Mary C. REV. MRS. L. A. RAGAN, Pastor of Brown's Chapel, Hastings, Minn. The camp meeting, which has been held for ten days, at Hastings, Minn., under the management of Rev. Mrs. L. A. Ragan, who is pastor in charge of Brown's Chapel, closed last Thursday evening with a grand lawn supper. The camp meeting was a spiritual and finan- SOME QUEER COLLATERAL. Glass Eyes, Store Teeth and Artificial Digits as Pledges for a Bar Bill. "Everything carries its compensation with it, even a glass eye," said J. Jaxon, the stage manager of a St. Louis summer garden, who has an artificial optic, and being a jolly man, doesn't care who knows it, says the Republic. "I'll never forget one night when Lon Raymond and I and George Denham and Jack Cheviot and Phil Branson were at Barge cave (this was long, long time ago), and I was crying after midnight. We were all out of funds and we were too lazy to go to the manager and ask for an advance of salary; we thought it would be funnier to stand off the stage and ask for advice and said: 'Am I good for a round of drinks?' "You'll have to see the boss," said the waiter. "Ain't all of us, collectively, good for a drink?" said George Denham. "You'll have to see the boss," said the waiter. "We'll give you security," said Lou, and with that he pulled out his eye and laid it on the table. The water jumped and before he could recover from his surprise I removed the watch from the mond's. Then George Denham took a full set of upper teeth from his mouth and contributed them to the pile of collateral. "I'm in on this," said Jack Chevrolet, and he wished me to be pleased to see it on the table with the eyes and teeth. "You can't leave me out," said Phil Branson, and after fumbling with his mouth a while he produced one false tooth. "I had to wear a mask and a credit as long as we cared to ask for it." A. Dark Secret. elected? American—None of them will tell!— Poet J. FRANK The Irrepressible Sc After eight months of incessant labor in a strange city, against overwhelming opposition in his own race and among the insurance fraternity in Chicago, largely through his own efforts and as a result of his own personal magnetism, Hon. J. Frank Wheaton, imperial organizer of the United Brotherhood, a fraternal insurance company, with headquarters in Chicago, has secured a charter to do PRICE FIVE CENTS. L. A. RAGAN, napel, Hastings, Minn. cial success and although seating capacity of the tent was three hundred (300) crowds were unable to be accommodated each night. The attractive feature was the boy preacher, Harry Killebrue, among others. The citizenics of Hastings cordially invite Mrs. Ragan to repeat these meetings next season. WAS NOT ASKED AGAIN. One Occasion When the Piety of a Michigan Politician Was Not Conspicuous. M. E. Chittenden, the Michigan politician who died recently, dearly loved a joke. His own initials, "M. E. C," was always insisted, stood for Methodist Episcopal church, which would have acquired a very lively member. "Mart," as Mr. Chittenden was familarly called, relates the Chicago Chronicle, partially lost his hearing some years ago and communication with him thereafter was one of the most important aspects of the Standard Oil company for a large territory, he traveled considerably, and on a certain occasion fell in with a couple of friends at Hilladale, who invited him to go with them and to a conference on acquaintance. One of them quietly said to the host: "Mr. Chittenden is an exceedingly pious man and likes to have the food blessed before partaking. You must invite him to attend." Accordingly, when all were seated, silence fell upon the company, while the host turned to Mr. Chittenden with "Will you ask the blessing?" Chittenden's hand to his ear, with his usual, quick, nervous gesture, as in a listening attitude he responded in a tone more decided than unconscious: "I've grown so all-fired deaf likely that if you've got anything to say to me you'll have A roar from the two friends disclosed to Chittenden and the astonished host that they had been the victims of a practical joke. But "Chit!" enjoyed it amazingly when he understood what had happened. "How was Admiral Dewey's naval rank reduced when he got married?" "He became Mrs. Dewey's second mate."—Argonaut. The chronic kicker usually kicks hjmself out of joint.—Rump's Horn. WHEATON ores Another Triumph. business in the state of Illinois. Mr. Wheaton is in the city visiting his family and enjoying a much needed and well earned rest after his arduous labors. When he leaves he will begin to prosecute the work so well begun by organizing in the southern states. The success of the United Brotherhood is now an assured fact, and to Mr. Wheaton more than to any one else is due its success. Minneapolis is justly proud of her production. Satisfaction Guaranteed. Telephone Connection. .. OLSON EARL .. UNDERTAKER, Funeral Director and Embalmer. 1503 E. Franklin Ave., Minneapolis, Minn. PIANOS SOLD DIRECT TO THE PEOPLE CABLE CONOVER KINGSBURY WELLINGTON, SCHUBERT And other Pianos less expensive but good for prices asked. From the Largest Manufacturers of Pianos in the World THE CABLE CO., Minneapolis Branch, 56 Seventh St. So., Bet. Nicollet and Hennepin. FRANK B. LONG, Manager. Published every Saturday by the ADVANCE PUBLISHING COMPANY Office, 214 Washington Av. So. Tel. Main 2415-L3. Entered at the Post Office, at Minneapolis, Minn., and second-class matter. Subscription Rates: One Year - - - - - $1.00 Six Months - - - - .60 Three Months - - - .35 Subscription Always Payable in A8- ORF66 Special rates if ordered by the dozen. The office issue should reach the office by Wednesdays. Advertising Rates. Local Reading Notices, 10c per line. Religious notices (not over five lines), free. Anti- and "To Let" advertisements, $ 8 cents per line for each insertion. Display, 40 cents per inch each insertion. Special rates will be given for space by the store. Editorial Announcements. To secure the return of unsolicited manuscript postage should be enclosed, by Wednesday morning, preceding the issue in which they are to appear, communications, enclosing news matter, authoritative office of the writer's name, not for publication, but as an evidence of good faith. Contributions and terms of news conceived and published are the colored race are requested from our readers. We reserve the right to reject any communication unless unauthorized publication. Subscription ordering addresses of their paper changed are requested to give their former as well as their present address. Address all communications and make all remitments to THE APRO-AMERICAN ADVANCE. 214 Washington Ave., Minneapolis, Minn. MRS. GEO. DUCKETT PUBLISHER AND MANAGER. National Republican Ticket.. FOR PRESIDENT: WILLIAM McKINLEY, OF OHIO. FOR VICE PRESIDENT: THEO. ROOSEVELT, OF NEW YORK. OUR STATE TICKET. Governor ..... S. R. Van Sant Lieutenant Governor ..... L. H. Smith Attorney General..... W. P. B. Douglass Secretary of State..... P. E. Hanson Chief Justice ..... C. M. Start Associate Justice ..... L. W. Collins Railroad Commissioner, O. S. Miller and I. B. Mills (four years) and C. F. Staples (two years). A Memphis (Tenn.) court recently granted a divorce to Pauline Krumpner from Joseph Krumpner. The terms of the decree are peculiar. The home effects, according to the report, are granted to the wife, but one room of the house is left to the husband. The furnishings of this room are to be removed by the wife, and the husband, after having secured other furnishings, will remain in the same house with the spouse from whom he has been divorced, but having no communication with her. The custody of a child also goes to Mra, Krumpner. Dancing is not an amusement monopolized alone by the young and frivolous. Mrs. Phoebe Crabbe, of Norwalk, Conn., according to an exchange of that state, is 103 years old and she is suffering from rheumatism brought on by that amusement. Uncle Billy Kiperly, of Fort Scott, Kan., who is 96, broke his leg recently while doing a hornpipe. It is related of a Denver dude that when he passed in front of the baboon's cage at a circus the other day and adjusted his eyeglasses to take a look at the critter it extended a hand through the bars and asked him when he left the old country and why he wasn't out with a show this season. Koreshanity is a new religion. Dr. Cyrus Teed, its propounder, teaches that the inhabitants of this earth are living on the inside of an enormous shell, with the sun only 900 miles away. There are about 10,000 converts, we are informed, to this new belief. It is now a question with Missouri farmers as to which is the most profitable, the dairy or the Belgian hare industry. One family of hares, says one who knows, will consume more pasturage than a whole colony of cows. Chauncey J. Blair, president of the Merchants' national bank, who has just returned from the Paris exposition with his family after a two month's stay, says that financially the fair is a failure. Satisfaction Guaranteed. .. OLSON UNDER Funeral Director 1503 E. Franklin Ave., PIANO SOLD DIRECT THE PEOPL TWIN CITY NEWS. the St. Paul office, or Thursday to Minneapolis office. Blanch Cuthbert celebrated her tenth birthday Tuesday. The little people enjoyed themselves as only little ones can. She received many orretly and useful presents. Those present were: Alice Ellen and Mary Vassar, Alice Mason, Margaret and Adina Adams, Mable Porter, Mable Larson, Ruth Porter, Edna and Ruth Lawerance, Flosie and Ruth and Lyle Lowerly, Lizzie Walker, Lily Salters, Minnie Allen, Ethel and Olive Howard, Alma Porter, Irene Saiters, Leva Moore, Charlie Mason, Leslie Lawerence, John Adams and Wittie Moore. Messames Kellium, O. D. Howard, Tibbs, Utterly and Viola Berry helped reduce the wants of the young people. For good cigars call at W. S. Conrad's, corner of First avenue south and Fourt histreet. He will suit you. Go to John L. Neal, Real Estate, Loans and Insurance, 622 Boston Block. The Advance Restaurant, 214 Washington avenue south, is up to date in service and equipment. If you want a good meal in a clean place don't fail to go to the Advance Restaurant. Mrs. D. F. Danner is on the sick list. The city is crowded with distinguished guests attending the Iowa annual conference. Mrs. Chas. M. Turner, of Fourth avenue, is entertaining guests from Chicago and Duluth, Minn. I is rumored that Mrs. L. B. Noel of our city, has married since going down to Chicago. The Advance extends congratulations. Rev. B. F. Watson, secretary Brd, church extension, of Philadelphia, Pa. is a very welcome guest attending the annual conference this week. It was our good fortune to hear Dr. Watson in our young days, and this meeting was a pleasant one. JUST LOOK HERE We will not insult your intelligence. We think you know that no man can continue in business unless he receives patronage from the people. An up-to-date meal, or a cosy room can be had at John Godrey's, 148 East Ninth Street. Iowa Conference of the A. M. Church in Session. on behalf of the church, and the manner in which he did it, was a revelation to his best friends, for he was both eloquent and dramatic and caught the crowd. He was responded to by Bishop Grant, in a very pleasing offhand AHAM GRANT. [Picture of a man in a suit and tie]. speech. The ladies of the church at the conclusion of the program served refreshments to all present. **Dangers of the Socratte Method.** This happened at a well-known San Francisco Sunday school: Teacher—"When you look around and see all the fine houses and stores and lots, do you ever think who owns them now? Your fathers own them, do they want it? (in choral)—We want a Teacher—"Where will your fathers be 30 years from now?"" Boys (in one shout)—"Dead," Teacher—"That's right. And who will own all this property then?" Boys (in ungrammatical concert) "Us boys!" Boys (in right, right, tell me, did you ever in going along the street notice the drunkards lounging around the saloon doors waiting for some one to treat them?" Boys (heartily) "Yes, me'am, lots of them." Teacher—"Where will they be 30 years now? Boys now!" Boys (in one shout) "And who will be the drunkards then?" Boys (in enthusiastic chorus)—"Us boys!"—San Francisco Wave. **Fable of the Small Bird.** Once upon a time there was a bantam rooster with an immense opinion of humans and as he stood in the barnyard he said: "I will make a stir in the world. I will attract attention." Wherefore he began to crow lustily, although he had nothing much to crow about. But it happened that far above the bantam, a hawk was wheeling in the circumambient air. The hawk had not seen the bantam, owing to the latter's diminutive proportions, but when the bantam crowed the hawk heard and in about 43 seconds had his claws full and was contentedly winging his flight homeward, while all was stilled. Moral: It is not a profitable thing to try to make a noise in the world without a reasonable excuse.—Chicago Times-Herald. **Book Agent with an Inspiration.** Irate Gentleman (angry at being disturbed)—You book canvassers make me so angry with your confounded nerve and impudence that I cannot find words to express your displeasure. Canvasser (jumping with enthusiasm)—Then, sir, I am a great help to you. I have here the very thing you need—a dictionary of the English language, containing all the words and slang phrases known, and only two and six. Take it, and you will never be lost to express yourself again.—Cigarette. Next day he was studying the "help wanted" columns again.—Baltimore American. A Different Declaration. "She is very proud of the fact that she has an ancestor who was one of the signers of the Declaration of Independence." --- ST. PAUL. Hello! I want to tell Madam E. Luverne Adams, the fashionable dress-maker on Wabasha street, No. 418, that I desire her to make me one of those summer creations, all over lace and tucks, that is so swell. I am going to Mrs. Newrich's musicale and I must have it. Correspondence, letters, etc., must reach us by Wednesday for publication. 305 Thomas street. If you are living to eat, or eating to live, the Godfrey Boarding House is the place for you. The best is served at a price you can afford. 148 East Ninth street. Madam E. Luverne Adams' fashionable dress making parlors, 418 Wabasha street (upstairs). Dr. J. E. Porter, physician and surgeon, room 410 Washburn building, St. Paul, Minn., residence 453 Carroll st. The residence of Mr. and Mrs. Turner, 452 St. Anthony Ave., was the scene of a pretty wedding Friday, evening, Aug. 31, when Mr. Geo Sleets and Miss Birtha W. Williams were made man and wife by the Rev. J. C. Anderson, of St. James A. M. E. church. A few friends of the groom witnessed the happy occasion, and they were: Mr. and Mrs. H. H. High, Mr. and Mrs. Sherwood, Mr. S. Cuthbert, H. G. Johnson, Allen Brock, Judge Johnson, Mrs. Phil Anderson and daughter, Mrs. Chas. Fogg. Mrs. Hattie Davenport is sick at St. Luke's Hospital. Mr. and Mrs. W. A. Johnson have moved to 315 University avenue. Mrs. J. H. Blair has returned home alter an extended visit with relative down in Illinois. Mr. J. H. Warren, of Thomas street, met with a serious accident Wednesday while visiting at a neighbor's. In crossing the yard he fell and knocked his knee out of place. Mr. H. B. Houston has returned from a pleasant visit down at Chicago and Battle Creek, Mich. Miss Lizzie Roach still remains sick at the hospital. Many of the news items sent to this office come too late to appear in the issue for which they are intended. Kindly send all communications intended for the paper not later than Wednesday to The eighteenth annual session of the Iowa conference of the A. M. E. church for the fourth Episcopal district, convened at St. Peter's A. M. E. church, Wednesday, Sept. 12th, at 0 o'clock a. m., sharp with Bishop Abraham Grant presiding. Rev. Geo. H. Gains, presiding elder of Chicago district, preached the opening sermon. There were about seventy-five delegates present at the initial session, and after appointing committees and outlining the work the conference adjourned till 3 p. m. The feature of the afternoon session was the singing of Dr. B. F. Watson of Philadelphia, the sweet singer of the A. M. E. church. The report of the pastors of the district were made and remarks by the Dr. B. F. Watson, secretary of the board of church extension, in the interest of the Christian Recorder and Rev. G. E. Taylor, editor of the Southern Recorder, Atlanta, Georgetown were listed to with evident pleasure by all present. Among the premiere divines present during the afternoon session were Rev. Geo. A. Brown, president Harriet Beecher Stowe Institute, Danville, Ill.; Evangelist Mattie Johnson, of Chicago; the poets, Catherine Dans Tillman, and Mrs. P. G. Lewis, the traveling missionary of Chicago. The reception to the delegates to the conference in St. Peter church in the evening did great credit to the pastor, Rev. W. S. Brooks. Hon. James Gray, the deservedly popular mayor of the city, welcomed the conference on behalf of the city, which was eloquently responded to by Rev. Dr. Carey, of Chicago. Rev. Dr. Marshall welcomed the conference on behalf of the M. E. ministry of Minneapolis, which was responded to by Rev. Horace T. Graves, of Galesburg, IL, in a very forceful manner. Rev. W. S. Brooks, the pastor of the local church, welcomed the delegates MINNEAPOLIS JUST LOOK HERE Dangers of the Socratic Method. Fable of the Small Bird. Book Agent with an Inspiration. A Very Bad Spell. The new reporter opened his account of the fever epidemic by writing: "The health board reports 50 new cases of tyfoid fever," the city editor, in a mild manner, as is the wont of city editors, observed to the new reporter that his spelling was very bad. "I was a very bad speller," he had a bad spell of typhoid when young and it never got out of my system." A Different Declaration "That's nothing to be proud of. There's a divorce in our family, too."—Philadelphia Bulletin. The lazy man's motto: "Work not, that you be not worked."—Chicago Daily News. FOR ABANDONED FARMS. Worn-Out Properties Are Utilised to Splendid Advantage by Growing Violets. The worn-out farms of Virginia, principally in Albemarle and adjacent counties, of late have been turned to good account by their owners, who have directed their attention to violet growing. The violet industry is spreading rapidly in that section and the growers, the most successful of whom are women, employ small negro boys to carry on the work, which, while not laborious, is tedious, for the violets require constant attention. The greater part of the yield is taken by Philadelphia dealers. Although they are not 'making wealthy,' the growers are receiving substantial returns and find this new industry more profitable than ordinary farming. "The great violet growing center in Poughkeepsie, N. Y., says Dr. B. F. Galloway, of the department of agriculture, who, according to the New York Tribune, has had the violet hobby for years. He is the author of several books on the subject of profit in violet raising. All violets from this district find a ready market in New York city, and as the demand for them is increasing yearly a promising field is opened for the young, energetic and intelligent men and women of to-day. Answering a question as to why the violet has always been a popular flower, Dr. Galloway said that for four or five months in the year the public has no violets at all. It is only from the middle of October to the end of Easter time that the violets are in season, and when they do arrive they are in great demand. On the contrary, roses abound all the year round. There is also a certain delicacy, a modesty, about the violet that makes it always wanted, while its perfume is another point in its favor. Only two of the double varieties of violets are grown—the Maria Louise and the Lady Hume Campbell. There are many kinds of single flowers, which while beautiful and fragrant, are not popular. This is a matter of taste however. In Europe, especially in Paris, the single violets are in great demand. There is a growing demand for the single violet in this country, however. The old-fashioned way of growing violets, borrowed from the English 25 and 30 years ago, was in "cold frames." These were cheap, boxlike arrangements put up and covered over in winter with a glass sash. As the demand increased it was seen that this method of culture was not practical. Dealers in the cities were unable to secure the flowers at times, as the frames would be covered with two or three feet of snow, and it would be impossible for the growers to get at them. American ingenuity took a hand at this point and cellars were constructed adjacent to the beds, and this difficulty was obviated. From this evolved the regular violet houses of the present time, properly heated and ventilated and so constructed that they can be reached at all times. Still a great number of violets are grown in frames, and for the beginners it is the best plan to adopt on account of its cheapness as valuable experience can thus be won at slight expense. Violets to be successful must be grown entirely from cuttings. Young offshoots taken early in the spring give the most satisfactory results. In some cases the old plants are allowed to remain year after year, but this is unsatisfactory, as each year's crop shows a decrease in the number and the size of the flowers. The best results are obtained by replanting every year. A start should be made every spring with your offshoots—baby plants—planted in small boxes. As soon as they make good roots they should be planted directly to where they are to stand all summer. It is at this time that they should be carefully watched. Dead leaves and runners should be taken off and the plant made to contract, each forming a bushy crown. By the middle of September, if properly treated, these plants should cover the entire ground. By October 1 they begin to blossom. At first the flowers are small, and, consequently, of little or no value and are thrown away. By the middle of October they are sufficiently large, however, to send to market, and immediately bring a good price. Violets generally sell for not less than a cent apiece, and when the average of a single plant is 50 flowers a season, and, with good care, 100, the profit can be readily seen. In the vicinity of every city violet raising could be made profitable. Any land that will grow potatoes, made rich by the addition of fertilizer, proves excellent breeding ground for violets. In starting a violet house care must be taken to see that there are proper facilities for shipping, although a person from four to six hours from the city can ship to good advantage. In the Virginia violet farms, after the young offshoots have been transplanted into open frames, rolling wooden screens are used on the top of the frames to regulate the amount of sunshine which shall be admitted to the plants. Indian Wit. There was a lawyer in the Indian country who had none too good a reputation for honesty. One of the aborigines employed him to do a little legal business. It was done to the client's satisfaction, the fee duty paid and a receipt for it duly demanded. "A receipt isn't necessary," the lawyer said. "But I want it," replied the red man. There was some argument, and the attorney finally demanded his reason. "Since becoming a Christian I have been very careful in all my dealings, that I may be ready for the judgment," answered the brave sententiously, "and when that day comes I don't want to take time to go to the bad place to get my receipt from you." The receipt was made out and delivered promptly. —Philadelphia Call. Were Early Historians The Chinese are remarkable as a nation for their carefully preserved historical annals, even from the most remote period of antiquity. The first mention of pottery is found in the reign of Emperor Hoangti in 2093, before the Christian era. Porcelain was made under the Han dynasty, 18 B. C., at least 1,600 years before it was known to the western countries of the globe.—N. Y. Times. SOCIETY DIRECTORY ODD FELLOWS. Mars Lodge, No. 2202. Meets second and fourth Wednesdays in each month at Odd Fellows Hall, 32 Wabasha street. MANN P. N. 422, 422 St. Meets first and third Monday in each month for business, second Monday for instruction, at Odd Fellows' Hall, 222 Wabataa. SARAH SARAH C, KIRLTLE, M.N.G. A JACKSON, W. R., W. 34 summit place. MOST WORSHIPFUL GRAND LODGE OF MINNESOTA, A. F. and A. M. J. I. NEAL, Grand Master. WM. R. MORRIS, Grand Secretary. 17 Guaranty Loan Blok, Minneapolis. ST. PETER CLAYER'S SODALITY. W. W. Gardner, Sundays of each month. W. W. Gardner, Sundays of each month. Sec. A. Davies, Treas. Pioneer Lodge, No. 1, A. F. and A. M. see the first friday morning each month of the school year. Master Masons and Robert streets. Master Masons in good standing always welcome. HANDLE, W. M. W. A. HILYARD, Sec. 124 Atwater. Minnesota Lodge, No. 2, A. F. and M. Meets on the first and third Tuesday in each month at Masonell Hall, southwest Masonell Hall or Arch Masonell in good standing always welcome. H. B. HOWARD, W. M. J. S. STRONG, Sec. 12th and Robert s. WM. STEVENS, No. 3. A. F. & A. M. Meets second and fourth Monday in each month at Masonell Hall, southwest Masonell Hall or Arch Masonell in good standing always welcome. WM. JOHNSON, W. M. B. E BEASLEY, Ryan Hotel. Perfect Ashley Lodge, No. 4. A. F. A. M. Meets the second and fourth Tuesday in each month at Masonell Hall, southwest Masonell Hall or Arch Masonell in good standing always welcome. H. K. DURANT, W. M. J. E. DURANT, 41 Carroll. Bethel Chapter, No. 28, R. A. M. Meets the first and third Thursday in each month at Masonell Hall, southwest Masonell Hall or Arch Masonell in good standing always welcome. DANIEL ROY, H. P. W. T. GASSAWAY, Sec. State Capitol. MINNEAPOLIS. G. U. O. O. O. F. St. Anthony Lodge, No. 2877. Meets the first and third Wednesday in each month for the transaction of business. Mail resume to: JAMES A. SCOTT, No. 2877 JAMES A. SCOTT, No. 2877 KNIGHTS OF PYTHIAS. Nat. Turner Lodge, No. 2, K. of P. Meets the second and fourth Thursdays in each month. Brothers in good standing welcome. Labor Temple, Fourth and Eighth avenue. T. B. PARKER, C. C. RALPH WATSON, K. R. and S. Pride of Minnesota Lodge, No. 1, K. Meets the first and third Thursdays in each month. All brothers in good standing welcome. Plummer "Hot Hai," first avenue near Washington. JAMES ROBERTS, C. W. C. JEFFREY, K. R. and S. J. K. Hilary Lodge Meets the first and second month in Windom Block, Second avenue South and Washington. Masons in good standing always welcome. W. LILLARD, W. M. JASPER GBIBS, Sec. Guaranty Loan Restaurant. Anchor Lodge, No. 7, A. F. and A. M. Meets the first and second Monday in Windom Block, Second avenue South and Washington. Masons in good standing welcome. J. A. SCOTT. W. M. A. B. LEE. 2701 Aldrich avenue South. Officers and Standing Committees of the Most Worshipful Grand Lodge A. F. and A. M. of Minnesota and jurisdiction: Grand Master-John L. Neal, Minneapolis. Deputy Grand Master-Wade H. Hampton, West Superior. Grand Treasurer-Daniel Roy, St. Paul Grand Secretary-William R. Morrison Grand Lecturer-G. W. Day (7), Minneapolis. Grand Junior Deacon-R. R. De Leo (1) Minneapolis. Grand Steward-J. H. Dillingham (2) St. Paul. Grand Junior Steward-Wm. Stevens (3) St. Paul. Grand Tyler-T. Bush (3) St. Paul. Grand Marshall-C. H. McDonald (3) Duluth. Grand Pursulvant-G. W. Duckett (4) St. Paul. Grand Sword-Bearer-J. Adams (1) St. Paul. Grand Standard-Bearer-G. J. Charles- towell (4) St. Paul. Grand Regis-T. G. Strett (6) Minneapolis. Deputy Grand Master-First-District-James Woodfork (1) St. Paul. District Deputy Grand Master-Second-District-E. Hammond (6) Minneapolis. District Deputy Grand Master-Third-District-J. K. Folk (3) Duluth. CHURCH. DIRECTORY. ST. PAUL. ST. JAMES A. M. E. CHURCH, Rev. J. C. Anderson, Pastor. Sunday services: 11:20 a.m.; 7:30 p.m. Wednesday prayer meeting: 8:00 p.m. **ST. PETER CLAYER'S.** Father Printon. Cor. Farnham avenues. Sunday services: Mass, 8:00 a.m. High mass, 10:30 a.m. Evening service at 7 o'clock. **PILGRIM BAPTIST CHURCH.** Rev. D. S. Orner, Pastor. Cor. 12th and Cedar. Sunday services: Preaching at 11:30 a.m. and 7:30 p.m. Sunday School at 12:30 clock. Wednesday evening general prayer meeting. **ST. PHILIPS EPIISCOPAL MISSION.** 463 Rice street, bet. uurora and Uni- culty. Sunday services: Morning prayer, Lit- tany and Sermon, 11:20 a.m.; Sunday prayer, 8:00 p.m.; Sunday prayer, Evensing and Sermon, 8:00 p.m. Wednesday Evening Prayer and Lecture, 8:00 p.m.; Friday, Choir Rehearsal and Prayer, 8:00 p.m. All are cordially invited. Santa Fe MINNEAPOLIS **ST. PETER A. M. E. CHURCH.** Rev. W. S. Brooks, Pastor. Cor. 22d st. 9th ave. South Sunday; 3:00 p.m. 11:30 a.m. ; Sunday School; 3:00 p.m. evening services; 8:00 p.m. General prayer meet- ing; 8:00 p.m. Wayman Home Closet; 8:00 p.m. General prayer meet- ing different residences. Parsonage. 200 Ninth avenue South. **BETHESDA BAPTIST CHURCH.** Rev. J. W. Faude, in Charge. Sunday services: Preaching. 11:30 a.m. ; Sunday School; 12:30 p.m. Christian services; 8:00 p.m. Wednesday evening prayer meeting; 8:00 p.m. Parsonage. 1210 Eighth street South. **BETHESDA DISCIPSION.** Rev. John J. Faude, in Charge. 615 Sixth avenue South. Sunday service; 4:00 p.m.; Sunday school; 3:00 p.m. **ST. JAMES A. M. E. CHURCH.** Rev. J. W. King, Pastor. Between First avenue and Second street Sunday services: Preaching at 11:30 a.m. ; Sunday School; 3:00 p.m. evening services. General prayer meet- ing Thursday evening. Weekly meetings of the Debating Club. NOTICE----Changs and corrections will be made upon notifying the office. If we have collected to place a notice of any society in the above directory it is because we do not know of it or have not sent its officers. Send name of any Lodge, place and time of meeting, name of officers and it will be inserted. THE ADVANCE CAFE 214 WASHINGTON AV. SOUTH. Restaurant and Lunch Counter RICHARD MANN, Proprietor. SPEND A PLEASANT NORTH STAR BILLIARD AND Rooms, Second Floor, Restaurant in Connection. Office Telephone 1498-4. VAL DO TUR PHYSICIAN A Office Hours: 8 to 10 a.m.; 12 to 2 p.m.; 4 to Office, 27 E. 7th St., Kendrick Blk. Res. 38 25 YEARS' EXPERIENCE. JAS. AMC Practical Undertake 122 Washington Ave. S. All our goods are first-class, and the pr SMOKE THE SIGHT OF W. S. CONRA 400 FIRST A COX & HARRIS, SPEND A PLEASANT EVENING AT THE WITH STAR SOCIAL CENTER, BILLIARD AND POOL TABLES. Rooms, Second Floor, 202 Hennepin Avenue at in Connection. N. JOSEPH Phone 1493-4. Residence Telephone VAL DO TURNER, M. D. PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON. to 10 a.m.; 12 to 2 p.m.; 4 to 6 p.m. St. Kendrick Blk. Res. 353 Sherburn Ave. ST. PA EXPERIENCE. TELEPHONE JAS. AMOR & CO., Medical Undertakers and Embalers 122 Washington Ave. South, Minneapolis, Minn. Is are first-class, and the prices we guarantee will defy. THE SIGHT DRAFT 5-CENT U.S. CONRAD, Distrib. 400 FIRST AVENUE SOUTH. HARRIS, ART, Sec'y. HENRY MO City Club and Employment FURNISHED ROOMS With the Most Modern Conveniences, BER SHOP AND RESTAURANT Where Meals are Served at All Hours. SPEND A PLEASANT EVENING AT THE NORTH STAR SOCIAL CLUB BILLIARD AND POOL TABLES. Rooms, Second Floor, 202 Hennepin Avenue. Restaurant In Connection. N. JOSEPH LLOYD. Office Hours: 8 to 10 a.m.; 12 to 2 p.m.; 4 to 6 p.m. Office, 27 E. 7th St. Kendrick Blk. Res. 333 Shoreburn Ave. ST. PAUL, MINN. 25 YEARS' EXPERIENCE. JAS. AMOR & CO., Practical Undertakers and Embalmers. 122 Washington Ave. South, Minneapolis, Minn. SMOKE THE SIGHT DRAFT 5-CENT CIGAR W. S. CONRAD, Distributor, J. E. STEWART, SECY. Twin City Club and FURNISH With the Most M BARBER SHOP A Where Meals are S Twin City Club and Employment Bureau 126 Hennepin Ave. Minneapolis The FOX $2.00 RAZOR is the best that experience. FREE TRIAL AT YOUR HOME. For 256 Razor to your Express Agent, with instructions to allow to try. Or, if you send full amount with your order, we guarantee satisfaction or money back, and a FOX CIL FREE. State whether wide on narrow blade, equiv. Every Razor housed, stopped and set ready for use. Fox CUTLERY Co., Mrs., 48 Center Address for the West : 925 Main St., Dubuque, Iowa. **The Fox Cutlery is perfectly reliable KING OF ALL HAIR DRESSING The FOX $2.00 RAZOR is the best that experience and skill can produce. FREE TRIAL AT YOUR HOME. For 250 we will send a Fox Razor to your Express Agent, with instructions to allow you to take it home to try. Or, if you send full amount with your order, we send Razor prepad, guaranteeing satisfaction or money back, and a FOX STYPTIC PEN CIL FREE. State whether wide or narrow blade, square or round point. Every Razor honed, stopped and set ready for use. Fox CUTLERY Co., Mirs., 48 Center St., New York City. Address for the West: 98 Main St., Dubuque, Iowa. "The Fox Cutlery is perfectly reliable." Editor." KING OF ALL HAIR DRESSINGS. KING OF ALL HAIR DRESSINGS. TRADEMARK BEFORE AFTER An Honest Guaranteed Remedy—Mo Positively straightens Knotty, Nappy Cure Raised, Dandread, Draft, 19th, Tettet, a Disease, 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th, April morning, Prices, $o, a box. Four box OUR GRAND OFFER: Cut-out my mail and we will bring by mail and we guaranteed to make rough skin soft and we which curse all Skin Diseases, removes Wrinkle, and a Husband Blames them; also one pain from the human body, curse Womb Disease we will send for $1.00. This grand offer is receive four lots. BOSTON CHEMICAL PATRONIZE... WM. JENKINS, ROOMS FOR RENT GUARANTEED Remedy—Money Refunded if You are D straightens Knotty, Nappy, Kinky, Troublesome, Refresh Demeaned Irish Ticket, Tickle, and humble the hair to grow long and straight soft and fine, Prices: 50c. a box. Four boxes does the work. Ozono can be used for hair and skin. Moth Patches, Moth Patches, immediately send you four boxes of Ozono and one bottle make rough skin soft and a pack skin bright; also one bottle like Moth Patches, Moth Patches, remove all Facial Bllemishes; also one package Anti-Oder. All the above, body, enres Womb Dileases, Chiblings, All the above, or $1.00. This grand offer is unprocedural. Parties send BOTTOM CHEMICAL CO., 310 E. Ebroad St, Rich JENKINS, S FOR RENT ST CLASS. Positively straightens Knotty, Nappy, Kinky, Troublesome, Refractory Hair. Cures Raldness, Dandruff, Itch, Tettef, and all running, itching, and humiliating Scalp Diseases. Causes the hair to grow long and straight, soft and fine, and beautiful as an April morning. Pries, 500 a box. Four boxes does the work. Ozone cannot fall. April morning. Price 80c. a box. Four boxes does the work. Ozono cannot fall. We will immediately advertise and send us with One Dollar, and we will immediately send you four boxes. Our boxes are guaranteed to make rough skin soft, and black skin bright; also one bottle, Skin Food, Spotts, and all Facial Blemishes; also one bottle, Mottatch, Tan, Liver Spotts, and all Facial Blemishes; also one bottle, Chillinls, &c. All the above, worth $3.50. from the human body, cures Womb Dieses, Chillinls, &c. This grand offer is unprocedured. Parties sending $3.00 will receive four lots. BOSTON CHEMICAL CO., 310 E. Broad St, Richmond, Va. FIRST CLASS. We Guarantee Superb Service. Prices moderate. Tel. 2787-L-3 Main. No. 9 Second St. No. Minneapolis. 3030 STATE ST... Chicago. Cutting, Fitting and Making Over a Specialty. New York and Paris Fashions Always On Hand. Parlors, 628 Fourteenth Av. South. DR. R. S. BROWN, Physician and Surgeon. Office: 405-8 Reeve Bldg., 408 Nicollet Av. Telephone 2734-J-5. Office Routes: 6:30 to 12:30; 2:00 to 4:00 p.m. 5:30 to 7:00 p.m. Sundays: 9:30 to 11:00; 12:30 to 2:30. Residence, 2839 Portland Ave. Telephone 317-L-South. JAMES L. CURTIS, —LAWYER— 603 Northwestern Bldg., Minneapolis. Cor. 4th St. and Hennepin Av. Telephone, Main 2460-L-1. PATRONIZE THE BEST! The Fuller Laundry Co. PATRONIZE THE BEST! The Fuller Laundry Co. Free Delivery to All Parts of the City and Lake Minnetonka. OFFICE HOURS: 10 TO 12 A. M.; 2 TO 6 P. M.; 7 TO 8 P. M. TELEPHONE 286. 12TH AND ROBERT STS., Over Drug Store. ST. PAUL, MINN. --- THE FOX RAZOR FOR WHO NEEDS MADE THEM FAST GOOD FOX RAZOR FINE WINES, LIQUORS AND CIGARS. AT EVENING AT THE SOCIAL CLUB POOL TABLES. 202 Hennepin Avenue. N. JOSEPH LLOYD. Residence Telephone Dale 410-5. RNER, M. D., AND SURGEON. 6 p.m. Skorburn Ave. ST. PAUL, MINN. TELEPHONE 765. R & CO., Lers and Embalmers. South, Minneapolis, Minn. We guarantee will defy competition. DRAFT 5-CENT CIGAR. D, Distributor, ENUE SOUTH. AGENTS. HENRY MOSLEY, PRES. Employment Bureau RED ROOMS Modern Conveniences. ND RESTAURANT served at All Hours. Minneapolis, Minn. OR is the best that experience and skill can pre- YOUR HOME. For 25c we will send a For- ent, with instructions to allow you to take it home amount with your order, we send Razor prepaid, or money back, and a FOX STYPTIC PEN- er wide or narrow blade, square or round point ped and set ready for use. LERY Co., Mrs., 48 Center St., New York City. Main St., Dubuque, Iowa. Fox Cullery is perfectly reliable." Editor." AIR DRESSINGS. Hey Refunded if You are Dissatisfied Kinky, Troublesome, Refractory Hair, all running, itching, and humiliating Scalp straight, soft and fine, and beautiful as an snow on the work. Ozone cannot fall overtirement and send us with One Dollar, cee of Ozone and one bottle Skin Reiner, skin bright, also one bottle, Skin Food, skies, Freckles, Moth Patches, Liver Anti-Ocer, removes all odor arising inhabitance. All the above, worth $3.00, approved. Parties sending $3.00 will CO., 310 E. Broad St, Richmond, Va. WONDERFUL DISCOVERY Curly Hair Made Straight By ```markdown ``` This wonderful hair pomade is the only safe preparation in the world that makes kinky hair as straight as shown above. It nourishes the scalp and grows. Sold over 40 years and used by thousands of customers. It is the first preparation ever sold on our quest. It was the first preparation ever sold on our quest. The original Ozonized Ox Marrow, as the genuine never fails to keep the hair pliable and gentle. Elegantly perfumed. The great advantage of this pomade is that you can straighten your own hair at home, due to its superior and lasting quality it is the perfect preparation to produce a preparation equal to it. Full coverage of hair is provided by our designers or send us $1.40 Postal or Express Money Order for 3 bottles express paid. Write your name and address on the back of the Money Order for 3 bottles express paid. WWW.OZONIZED.OXMARROW.COM. OZONIZED OX MARROW CO., 76 Wabash Ave., Chicago, Ill. SEEDS OF FLOWERS Plants and Cat Flowers. We ship Funeral Flowers on tequila or mail orders any time, day or night. Building, landscaping, and flower arrangements are fresh and fragrant. Seeds that are good and honest, at five cents per packet. Our catalog is FREE, send for it. MENDENHALL, FLORIST. 37 S. 6th St., Minneapolis, Minn. KLAFFKE'S WHITE SEAL FLOUR. 119 Central Ave., Minneapolis. TEL 2701-J-3. NEXT TO FERIA 5 Our Motto: First-class Work and Moderate Prices. Telephone 270-J-6. S. P. EGGAN, PHOTOGRAPHER. Crayon, Pastel and Water Colors a Specialty. S21-253 Cedar Avenue, MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA. RHEUMATISM Cured for BSC with Borax. Recommended Tablets. Not sold by Mail or by mail by Boreal Mfg. Co. Minneapolis. W. 6 boxes. $1.00. --- THE ONE-PRICE HEIFER. Yew wanter buy the heifer, Zeb? I don't believe yew can; I wouldn't sell the heifer, sir, to any livin' man. No, it if yew should come an' lay a fifty in my hand. I'd go an' shet the stable door an' let the heifer stand. I'd let he and right where she is till she is old an' gray Afore I'd sell one side of her, thet all I've got to say. Yew heerd I wanted to dispose? Yew must hewed it wrong. I'd buy a dozen like her, Zeb, if yew'd bring them along. Of course I've got a lot of stock, more stock you need, I need. An' I am short of stable room, an' some-what short of feed; But ez for sellin' thet there beast I wouldn't, no sneeze! Let forty dollars come between the heifer, Zeb, let me. I am an one-price critter, Zeb, no man kin beat me down; She's wuth a heap more'n forty, Zeb, ask any man in town. Hi Hunker want her purty bad, an' so does Dee Hunker. But she I said before, of course, the heifer si' for sale. She's gentle an' she's good an' kind, an' slicker then an eel; A child could milk her any time, she'd never raise a heel. She never books nor jumps the fence, she makes it run away. An comes around at milkin' time es reg'lar ez the day. You'd orter see the milk she gives, it's yaller, thick an' sweet, An ez for quantity, by gum, that heifer cant be hit! They's junks of butter floatin' round inside the milkin' pail, An 'speakin' of her butter, Zeb—but then, she ain't for sale. Tew say yew' be bound to hev her, Zeb? Wew want her purty bad? The sliced piece of cow-flesh, sir, a farmer ever had! With thirty dollars ez she stands, an 'not that less; For I'm a one-price critter, Zeb, yew'll find the out, I guess. With thirty dollars ez she stands. I'll tell yew what I'll dew. I'll swap her now for twenty-five—'twixt me an' her an' yew. Jesst twenty-five more or less, for I'm a one-price man. An' if yew'd want to swap her back, why durn it, Zeb, yew can. -Joe Cone, in N. Y. Sun. Finders and Losers BROADLY speaking, girls are divided into two great classes—the ones who find and the ones who lose. Meta is a girl who finds. Ownerless earrings and brooches and shirt studs are scattered along her pathway, entreating her to pick them up, which ever way she strolls, and little things like horseshoes and four-leaved clovers seem to leap up in the most unlikely places at the first sound of her step. "Guess what I found to-day?" is her regular form of greeting; so no one was surprised when the question came that day at Georgia's tea. "Oh, I don't know," said Lilian, indifferently. "Probably a cotton handkerchief or somebody's other glove." Lilian is one of the girls who couldn't find anything if they would. Possibly that's the reason she assumes the manner of one who wouldn't if she could. Meta gave a withering glace at the scoffer. Then she removed her Lady-smith hat and extracted from its crown a roll of money, which she spread upon her lap. A $50, a $20 and a $10 bill stared out. "Counterfeit!" gasped Lilian. "No, sir. Uncle Mac says they're as good as any ever made." "You didn't find them, Meta; you're joking," protested Georgia. "No joke about it. I was walking down Wabash avenue, and stacks of people were passing in both directions, too, but suddenly there was an open place about a yard square right in front of me, and straight in the middle of it lay this money, all rolled up. It just seemed as though the crowd parted, and everybody looked the other way on purpose to let me have it." "Well, I never!" sung the chorus. "What are you going to use it for, Meta?" somebody asked, Lilian, whose interest had revived wonderfully, didn't give her time to answer. "Use it for?" she cried. "Do you spose Meta would spend that money? Think of the poor woman who lost it?" "Woman, indeed!" retorted Meta. "Uncle Mac doesn't think that. He says there's a little pocket just inside the waistband of his trousers where he keeps a one of bills—whenever he has one and that it's the easiest thing in the world to slip the money in back of the pocket instead of into it. And I asked him if that ever happened to him. You ought to have seen how guilty he looked when he said: 'Once—but don't tell Ellen!' That's my aunt, you know. Well, we think—Uncle Mac and I—that some rich club fell lost it, and that he'd put it to some extravagant use even if he had it again." "But I can't help thinking about some poor old washerwoman who hadn't another cent in the world," murmured the blue-eyed innocent. "Washerwomen without another cent are so likely to go strewing $80 rolls around!" said Meta. "More likely 'twas a school-teacher with her month's salary—and teaching is such nervous work!" suggested Lillian. "Or a fagged-out woman clerk," added Georgia. "Well, I wouldn't take it from a woman an any sooner than you would," declared Meta. "Of course I wouldn't mind so much if it belonged to a man. But I intend to advertise it, anyway." "Certainly!" exclaimed Lilian as if she'd been thinking of that all the time. "That's the proper thing to do," and blue-eyed innocent added: "I should just use that money for advertising every day in every paper until there wasn't a cent left." Meta pursed her lips. "Well, I'm taking Uncle Mac's advice about this," she said. "He says to study the papers a day or two and see if the loser advertises. Then, after that, he says to advertise: 'Found-Sum of money, at such a place, at such a time.' Not a word to give a false claim any help in identifying the bills, you see. But he doesn't think I'll ever find the owner, and, say, girls, if he shouldn't turn up, what do you say to a lake trip together or some kind of a regular spree with this money?" "I couldn't enjoy it," said the right-eous Lilian. "Not unless you gave half to a hospital," amended another. "Oh, I don't know," dissented Georgia. "I think my conscience would take in a trip to Mackinas." "Good for you!" replied Meta, as she rolled up her wealth and put on her hat. "We'll spend it all for gum if we want to, Georgia; and we won't treat them, either—see if we do!" They didn't see her again for three weeks, and then she came flying into luncheon at Lillian's with a look in her eyes as if she'd just fallen heir to a million in gold. "I've had the loveliest experience in the world!" she announced. "You remember that money I found? Well, I waited a few days, as Uncle Mac said, and no one advertised the loss; so I put one in myself. Told them to address X, the newspaper office, you know—the way they do. Next morning I went down to get the returns. There were nine answers, and of all the pathetic things! Not one of the people who wrote had lost their money on the day or at the place I found mine, but they were just as hopeful, for all that, and they actually made me feel responsible for their losses. "First there was a man who had dropped a small, flat, black book, with a pawn ticket, a laundry bill and two two-dollar bills in it. And distressed over it! You'd think he'd lost a gold mine. And he was so sure 'twas his money I'd found—poor fellow! Then a woman poured out a whole sheetful of her heart, and drew a picture of the purse she'd lost, and told me how the money in it belonged to her sister, who was in the hospital and who needed it dreadfully, and how I'd be blessed forever if I only restored it. Next there was an old man who had dropped two $20 bills, and he went on in a shaky, feeble hand to explain that the reason he was carrying it was because he couldn't trust the banks; and then another girl, who told about an alligator-skin pocketbook containing a latchkey and a time pass over the Cincinnati, Jackson & Mackinac road. When I showed that to Uncle Mac afterward he said that road was a regular joke, because it didn't run to any of the places mentioned in its name, and he just shouted over the pass, because it had expired September 30, 1897. But it wasn't funny to me. I thought the girl must be in a sad way to be hanging on to an expired pass over a road like that for three whole years. Besides, she mentioned in a postscript that there was a five-dollar bill in her purse. "I got awfully worked up over those letters. Then, suddenly, I had a brilliant idea. I just made up my mind to wait a week and then, if no one claimed that $80, to send for all those forlorn people and pay them what they had lost out of what I had found. I didn't dare tell Ullie Mac the scheme until the week had passed and I had really written notifying them all to be at his office at ten o'clock this morning. Then I just gave him the news all in one piece. I don't believe in breaking things, especially when you've set your heart on doing them. Oh, he thought I was crazy, of course, and wished he'd answered my ad'. himself and claimed the money. Said he could have done it through some one else so I would never have suspected, and then could have kept the money for me until this fit of sentimental foolishness had passed off—and all that sort of talk. But the end of it was that he took a chair over by the window in his office and let me have things all my own way with the people I had sent for. They all came, mind you, and of all the surprised-looking beings! Each one was expecting to find the identical purse he had lost, and at first every one looked suspicious of everyone else. They couldn't seem to grasp the situation. "I had the money, all changed into the right amounts and lying in tempting little heaps on Uncle Mac's desk. First I made a little speech and then I served gold and silver refreshments. It took every cent of the money, and I had to put in a dollar besides, so there goes our gum, Georgia; but you wouldn't grudge it if you'd been there. Such larks! I never felt so much like a beneficent fairy in my life. Oh, dear—fun! Vaudevilles are nowhere—and, say, the man who lost the pawn ticket will never get over his grudge against me because I couldn't give that back. He thinks I've lost him a fortune! But the rest were more than sweet. Girls, I've been blessed and hugged, and the old man with the two $20 gold pieces actually kissed my hand. Think of that—will you? And the woman with the sister in the hospital was so happy! And I cried. My crying—can you see it? And Uncle Mac needn't pretend he wasn't wiping his own eyes, either! But when they were gone he squared around at me, stern as stern, and said, in a disgusted way: "Well, of all the girly-girly performances!" "I looked straight back at him and just said: 'How would you have a girl, Uncle Mac, if not girly? Do you want me manny?' And honest fact, he didn't know a single thing what to say."—Chicago Daily Record. Birds in Oom Paul's Hat. The poetry of practical people is apt to be queerly mixed with prose, but it is original. All accounts of President Kruger's wife represent her as a very matter-of-fact woman, who would never sacrifice the useful to the beautiful. On one occasion, however, she seems to have combined the two—owing to her love for dumb creatures. The story is told in Animal Friends. Some time ago the Boers wished to raise a statue of their president, and the sculptor who was to make it brought some drawings to Mrs. Kruger to see which she liked best. The pictures showed him in his everyday clothes, with the tall hat which he always wears. When Mrs. Kruger saw this she asked that the top of the crown of the hat should be made hollow, so that after rain the birds might be able to drink out of it. This was done, and now whenever a welcome shower has fallen a little cloud of birds may be seen fluttering round the top of the Kruger statue, drinking and bathing in the crown of the hat. The Inevitable Sequence. Jane—Willy got his feet soaking wet, and caught d croup. Maria—How did he come to git his feet soaking wet? Mudder bought him a new pair of rubber boots!"—Puck. Happy Outcome. Gilfoyle—Kilduff elopement wasn't successful, was it? Poindexter—O, I don't know. The old man caught them before they reached the minister's.—The Smart Set. FIELD MARSHAL COUNT VON WALDERSEE. This famous German general is now on his way to China to assume command of the allied forces of Europeans, Japanese and Americans now fighting or garrisoned in that unhappy country. Gen. Waldersee is one of the most distinguished military leaders of the war. He was appointed as commander-in-chief was sanctioned by all the world powers is a compliment of which he may well be proud. He is about 60 years of age, and most of his life has been devoted to military studies. His wife is an American, the This famous German general is now on his way to China to assume command of the allied forces of Europeans, Japanese and Americans now fighting or garrisoned in that unhappy country. Gen. Waldersee is one of the most distinguished military leaders of the war. He was appointed as commander-in-chief was sanctioned by all the world powers is a compliment of which he may well be proud. He is about 60 years of age, and most of his life has been devoted to military studies. His wife is an American, the ```markdown ``` Telegraphy has not yet been introduced in many parts of the Chinese empire, yet news travels fast even in the remotest part of the country. The electric wire carries messages faster than the signal lights which are flashed along the palisades and the watch tower. A watch tower is a watch tower and beacon. As soon as a message is received by one of the watchmen on the towers it is transmitted by means of beacons to the next station, and in compass short space of time orders are carried from one end of the empire to the other. Telegraphy has not yet been introduced in many parts of the Chinese empire, yet news travels fast even in the remotest part of the country. The electric wire carries messages faster than the signal lights which are flashed along the palisades and the watch tower. A watch tower is a watch tower and beacon. As soon as a message is received by one of the watchmen on the towers it is transmitted by means of beacons to the next station, and in compass short space of time orders are carried from one end of the empire to the other. PEOPLE EAT TOO MUCH. tivation In Successfully Used as a custum of Many Diverses by a Philadelphian A Philadelphia physician of note, Dr. Edward H. Dewey, claims to cure all sorts of diseases by starving his patients. The brain, says this practitioner, never loses weight in either sickness or starvation. Usually the mind remains clear when the body has wasted away. The head is the powerhouse of the body. The stomach is run by brain power. When the stomach does too much work it makes too great a demand upon the brain. "For more than 20 years," writes this doctor, "I have permitted my sick to do without food so long as there was no desire for it. Not a mouthful was enforced in any case, not one mouthful denied on the first hint of hunger. "In this I have had all the medical textbooks and the entire medical profession as authority unquestioned against me. That food is needed to sustain the strength of the sick has FIELD MARSHAL COURT This famous German general is now of the allied forces of Europeans, Japan, risoned in that unhappy country. Gen. strategists and military leaders of the appointment as commander-in-chief was compliment of which he may well be proof of his life has been devoted to military daughter of a rich New York merchant. never been a matter of question with the medical profession. "Many of my sick have gone for more than a month without food. One very sick, in bed for more than a month with acute rheumatism, was able to walk about the room on the forty-sixth day before the first food was taken. Another patient, a woman of 57, went until the forty-third day before she broke her fast, and without any omission of her ordinary duties. A diseased stomach was cured as the result and now, after five years, there has been no return of the trouble." Physicians are pretty generally agreed that Americans eat too much—especially too much meat. The no-breakfast habit may not be so very silly after all. BETTER THAN FLY PAPER. A Mouse in Philadelphia Which Catches the Pests and Ents Them. A tiny mouse that seems to have its own way in all it cares to do has taken up quarters in a bulk window on Chestnut street. Philadelphia. The window contains a fine display of traveling Telegraphy has not yet been introduced yet news travels fast even in the remote scarcely carries messages faster than the palaces on the frontier of the celestial a watch tower and beacon. As soon as a men on the towers it is transmitted by men a comparatively short space of time ordere to the other. bags and dressing cases, and under ordinary circumstances the presence of the little intruder would not be tolerated a minute. But this is not an ordinary mouse. Instead of creating havoc and damage by gnawing holes in the valuable bags and grips this particular mouse does a valuable service to the firm by spending its time in catching the flies that are unwise enough to come within reach. Every evening after the store has been closed and the clerks have gone home a crowd gathers on the pavement outside and watches the little fellow capture the unwary flies. It is a wonderful performance, and so quick of movement and keen of eye is the mouse that a fly rarely escapes that it springs for. The mouse's mode is simple and effectual. From a crouching attitude it waits until a fly comes close enough, then it straightens upon its bind legs, the two front paws, like tiny hands, are thrust upward, and the unwary fly is clutched and brought down. After that the mouse eats the fly and then gets ready to catch another. --- PAYING DUTY IN KIND. One Case Where a Thieving Turk Was Bitten—How Justice Is Meted Out. The capacity of Turkish officials of all sorts is notorious, but that of the customs officers exceeds all other kinds. An interesting instance of paying duty in kind is to be recorded. An official of the British embassy bought in Paris a dress for his wife, for which he paid £10. The customs official valued it at £60 and demanded duty on that amount. The English man protested, and, knowing the law, said they might keep the dress, paying him the value they had fixed upon it, less the eight per cent. This was done, and a month later at the public action of confiscated goods he bought back the dress for £6, thus getting the dress for nothing and making a profit of £39 as on the bargain. Justice is meted out rapidly in Turkey. On one occasion a Kurd picked up a tobacco box in the street, which was promptly claimed by an Armenian. Just as they were coming to blows ON his way to China to assume command these and Americans now fighting or gar-Valdersee is one of the most distinguished present generation, and the fact that his sanctioned by all the world powers is a bad. He is about 60 years of age, and most studies. His wife is an American, the a policeman interfered. Both Armenian and Kurd claimed the box, when the former suggested that the Kurd should say what was in it. "Tobacco and cigarette paper," promptly answered the Kurd. "Nothing of the sort," cried the Armenian. "It contains only a five piastre piece." The box was gravely opened by the policeman, who then said: "The Armenian is right and the Kurd is a liar." Here he smote the Kurd's head. "Furthermore, Allah be pleased!—for my trouble in deciding this complicated case I keep the five piastres." EARNINGS VERY LARGE Sleeping Cars Pay for Themselves in Considerably Less Than a Year. The well-patronized sleeping car pays for itself in considerably less than a year. Take the run from New York to Chicago, 1,000 miles. Every road in the United States pays three cents a mile for the privilege of hauling a sleeper and contracts to return said car in as good shape as it is received and to pay for all damages. The journey on the limited expresses to Chicago is made Powers and Beacons. ed in many parts of the Chinese empire, at part of the country. The electric wire signal lights which are flashed along the kingdom. On every elevation is located message is received by one of the watch-ans of beacons to the next station, and in ers are carried from one end of the em- in 24 hours, therefore the car earns $30 a day for travel. If it is full, which is generally the case, receipts from berths, sections and staterooms amount to $185, making a total revenue of $215 a day. Out of this must come the wages of the porter and conductor—the latter, however, usually having charge of several cars—the towels, sheets, soap, ice, etc., the whole amounting to but a small sum. Then there are the wear and tear and general depreciation, the daily cleaning, the annual refitting and repainting. Set these charges down at ten per cent. and give the car three trips a week of 1,000 miles each, and we have its earnings at over $60,000 annually. Some can earn a great deal more. Hard Luck. Mr. Timmid—I don't suppose " " would be proper for me to kiss you on such short acquaintance? Miss Innit—No, I suppose not; but isn't it too bad we haven't been acquainted longer?—Judge J. M. surely, leaving your blood pure and nourishing, your stomach and bowels clean and lively, and your liver and kidneys healthy and active. Try a 10-cent box today, and if not satisfied get your money back—but you'll see how the cleaning of your body is MADE EASY BY Cascarets CANDY CATHARTIC BEST FOR THE BOWELS 10c. 25c. 50c. ALL DRUGGISTS To any needy mortal suffering from bowel troubles and too poor to buy CASCARETS we will send a box free. Address Sterling Remedy Company, Chicago or New York, mentioning advertisement and paper. ESTABLISHED 1876. Minneapolis. {WOODWARD & CO., GRAIN COMMISSION} DULUTH. Orders for Future Delivery Executed in All Markets. WAS NOT ASKED AGAIN. One Occasion When the Piety of a Michigan Politician Was Not Conspicuous. M. E. Chittenden, the Michigan politician who died recently, dearly loved a joke. His own intitul, "M. E. C.," he always insisted, stood for Methodist Episcopal church, which organization could have secured him, who have always liked many men. "Mart," as Mr. Chittenden was familierly called, relates the Chicago Chronicle, partially lost his hearing some years ago and communication with him thereafter was one of his greatest challenges. The Standard Oil company for a large territory, he traveled considerably, and on a certain occasion fell in with a couple of friends to dinner, who invited him to go with them. Dinner was a quiet acquaintance. One of them quietly said to the host: "Mr. Chittenden is an exceedingly pious man and likes to have the food blessed before partaking. You must invite him to the house." Accordingly, when all were seated, silence fell upon the company, while the host turned to Mr. Chittenden with "Will you ask the blessing?" Chittenden's hand to his ear, with his usual, quick, nervous gesture, as in a listening attitude he responded in a tone more decided than unconscious. "I've grown so all-fired deaf lately that if you got anything to say to me you'll have to speak." A roar from the two friends disclosed to Chittendon and the astonished host that they had been the victims of a practical joke when he understood what had happened PRESENCE OF MIND A Little Bit of Bluff That Failed to Work with a Wide Awake Man. If there be one thing that I more than another am aware it is the having one's wits about one-percent of one's espirit de學者 is be possessed only of l'esprit de學者 is simply an aggravation, writes John Paul in Harper's Magazine. As illustrative of ready-witted men I recrue an incident that I have often told but never heard. Let me do that now in justice to that one is gone. In company with the late J. R. Osgood I once of an evening dropped in at Wallack's old Fourth Street theatre. We could no seats, as we was standing room only. At the end of the first act two our chestra seats were vacant in front, and we walked down and took them. Barely were we seated when two gently-looking young men came down the aisle and added "Beg pardon, but have you checks for those seats?" I was on the point of rising, when Osgood replied: "No. Have you?" They hadn't. It was merely a bit of supreme bluff. But how few would have had the readiness to meet and parry it. Rare Philippine Jewels. The rarest corals in the world are to be found in the Philippines, and have now become American property. As precious as this jewel is, there is still a rarer one, and that is the jewel of health. It may be possessed by any one, who will keep the digestion active and the bowels regular with Hostetter's Stomach Bitters, the king of all remedies for indigestion, dyspepsia, constipation, biliousness, belching, heartburn and sleepiness. Try it. Don't allow yourself to become melancholy. Laugh once in awhile, whether you are tickled or not—Chicago Daily News. A fool at 20 may be wise at 40—Chicago Daily News. Ayer's Pills are purely vegetable. They are effective, but gentle. Nature's remedy for Nature's ills. One pill a day is what you want. All druggists. 25 cents a box. J. C. AYER COMPANY, Practical Chemists, Lowell, Mass. Ayer's Saraparilla Ayer's Pills Ayer's Ague Cure Ayer's Hair Viper Ayer's Cherry Pectoral Ayer's Comatone Labor Saving Dessert. Dissolve in hot water contents of a package of Burham's Hasty Jellycon, set away have to place until wanted and you will have to eat brilliant plaining jelly. The flavors are: lemon, orange, strawberry, raspberry, wild cherry and peach, or if a delicious wine or coffee jelly is desired, get "cafalfow" Jellycon. Your grocery cell it. PRESIDENT TYLER'S DAUGHTER. WHITE HOUSE, WASHINGTON, D. C. "One of the most aristocratic facet Famile, daughter of President Tyler,ains an exceedingly youthful complex impresses one as stepping out of the Magazine, under the heading "Social The following is a letter from this Home, Washington, D.C., to The Peru Peru certain eminent friends of the Peru Medicine Company, Column Gentlemen—" Your Peru Many of my friends have use results and I can command oning tonic. It is indeed a re Sinceforely, Peru is a specific to counteract the book entitled "Summer Catarrh," sent to most aristocratic faces seen in Washing- ton of President Tyler. She has passed her丝 sily youthful complexion. Personally she shopping out of the European courts," so she heading "Social Sidelights at the Cap- sula a letter from this interesting lady,写 D. C., to the Peruma Medicine Co., of C emple with the Semple笔写 Company, Columbus, Ohio. "Your Peruna is a most valu- friends have used it with the ne- man command it to all who now it is indeed a remarkable mea- Sincorefy," Lotitia T count to counteract the depressing effects of inner Cararrh," sent by the Peruma Medi "One of the most aristocratic faces seen in Washington is that of Mrs. Semple, daughter of President Tyler. She has passed her 80th year and yet retains an exceedingly youthful complexion. Personally she is charming, and impresses one as stepping out of the European courts," so says The National Magazine, under the heading "Social Sidelights at the Capital." The following is a letter from this interesting lady, written from the Louise Home Washington, D. C., to The Peruana Medicine Co., of Columbus, Ohio, concerning her tour to Peruana. Mrs. Semple writes: The Peruana Medicine Co. Gentlemen—"Your Poruna is a most valuable remedy. Many of my friends have used it with the most flattering results and I can commend it to all who need a strengthening tonic. It is indeed a remarkable medicine." Peruna is a specific to counteract the depressing effects of hot weather. A free book entitled " Summer Catarrh," sent by The Peruna Medicine Co., Columbus, O. Wouldn't This Jolt You. What He Wanted. Mr. Wrabash (at the ball)—Is your programme full, Miss Olive? Miss Olive (of St. Louis)—My goodness, no! I've been waiting more than an hour for some one to come along and take me down to supper—Chicago Evening News. With Regrets—"The true editorial spit it," said the old-timer, "is declining." "I guess you're right," agreed the struggling author. "It certainly doesn't appear to be accepting."—Philadelphia Press. The letter P, like the selfish friend, is first in pity and last in help—Chicago Daily News. CASTORIA For Infants and Children Bears The Signature Of Char. H. Hitchens. Use For Over Thirty Years The Kind You Have Always Bought THE CENTAUR COMPANY, 77 MURRAY STREET, NEW YORK CITY. THIS OFFER IS ABSOLUTELY FREE ... AND WILL... SAVE YOU HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS A YEAR. Our Mammoth Fall and Winter Catalogue will be sent to you on return to us of this blank properly filled out. Order from this Catalogue everything you need for yourself and family. WE MAKE WHOLESALE PRICES DIRECT TO CONSUMERS. Send Catalogue to Town State To S. E. OLSON CO., THE BIG STORE, Minneapolis. [K] Every spring you clean the house you live in, to get rid of the dust and dirt which collected in the winter. Your body, the house your soul lives in, also becomes filled up during the winter with all manner of filth, which should have been removed from day to day, but was not. Your body needs cleaning inside. If your bowels, your liver, your kidneys are full of putrid filth, and you don't clean them out in the spring, you'll be in bad odor with yourself and everybody else all summer. DON'T USE A HOSE to clean your body inside, but sweet, fragrant, mild but positive and forceful CASCARETS, that work while you sleep, prepare all the filth collected in your body for removal, and drive it off softly, gently, but none the less as seen in Washington is that of Mrs. she has passed her 80th year and yet re-emerges formally she is charming, and european courts," so says The National ideals at the Capital." The interesting lady, written from the Louise in Medicine Co., of Columbus, Ohio, cona. Mrs. Semple writes: us, Ohio: a is a most valuable remedy, and it with the most flattering it to all who need a strength-markable medioline." Lotlita Tyler Semple, depressing effects of hot weather. A free Y The Peruna Medicine Co., Columbus, O. What He What. He—Take care, Alfred; that isn't the remedy for seasickness. Don't you see the bottle is marked "poison." He (groaning)—That's the one I want—N. Y. World. If a woman wants to work the tremula stop on her husband, she should put on her prettiest coat. Nothing spoils the effect of tears quicker than a soiled wrapper—Aticha Globe. It is surprising what a strong case a man is against against an industrial man—Atchison. THE STORY TELLER O *pert* and pudgy baby, sometime you and I, may be, We all skip to Fairyland where wond- rour blossoms grow, Where little folks are mighty, though somewhat flip and flighty, And shine and shadow's shuttles weave strange patterns to and fro; Where nothing is smiling, where nothing is defiling. Where children outrank grown-ups with the brownies and the elves. Where make-believe's forbidden, no ambushed hurts are hidden. Where people are contented to be just their simple selves. And there are wondrous glories, you've heard of them in stories. A million marvels covering us with mystery and amaze. signs just all ablaze; Where no one has to labor, where no one hates his neighbor; Where no one is loving and the big ones just the same; Where countless playthings please you, where nobody may leave you. where nobody may tease you, Where gorgeous insects flutter like gay jewels all afame. Where firely lamps are living, good bees much honey giving, No colts and no bugaboos to tie kids into knots; Where fruit has extra silkness, in it no lurking silkness. And bables frolic freely in beds of forget-meeds. Where streams are ever flowing, all folks extremely knowing. The babes considered wiser than the solon or the sage. Where lady-slippers are the sort in tinted beauty growing. And not the kind which paddle pets and put them in a rage. Where no one worships money, long-faced folks counted funny. Each person packed with happiness from nose tip unto toes; Where none read books and papers, but all read novels. And wind which nips with frostiness and chiliblains never blows; Where juveniles are jolly, no kidling meltdown. Where tempers sour are ever weak and love is ever strong; O pert and pudgy baby, we can remain there may be, there may be, And sing duets together in that summer MAJ. LOWRY'S home was one of the finest in Binghamton. The old mansion, with its many widening wings, glittering windows and heavy-columned porticoes, painted always a creamy white, was a treat to the eye; but the spacious lawns that stretched about it were the attraction before which townspeople and strangers alike stopped with exclamations of delight. There were stately trees from northern climes shedding their cones and needles with their soft rustle, and standing ever green and beautiful through the coldest months. There were flowering shrubs from the far south that burdened the air with their fragrance through the summer. The gravel walks twisted away, past the fountain where a marble boy stood ever catching the heavy spray with outturned hands, past handsome beds of verbenas, glowing clumps of gladioluses, and away to the stables in the rear where three fine carriage-horses arched their necks and whined to their painstaking groom. Yet despite the delight of all this, the major's grandson was the most miserable little boy in the world—and all because Jim Dorsey's dog had pups! Jim Dorsey was the boy that lived in the little tumble-down house, adjoining the major's handsomest lawn. The major thought seriously of buying the grounds on which the little shanty stood, at an outrageously high figure, too, simply because he considered it a blot upon the face of nature. Not a blade of grass dared to rear its head on that 40-foot lot. If it did, Jim Dorsey, or Bill Dorsey or Jerry Dorsey or one of the other five Dorseys ran or leaped or turned handsprings upon it, and promptly ended its miserable existence. Mrs. Dorsey was not nervous. Maj. Lowry was. And this brings us back to Jim Dorsey's pups. They were beauties: Two jet black, one marked with a white star upon its forehead, the other two spotted liberally with white and a brick-colored red. The breed was—well, never mind, the Dorseys didn't care anything about that, and for that matter neither did the major's grandson as he stood over the pups, with a kindling feeling of jealousy and adoration, and a feigned expression of indifference and putonage, doing battle upon his face. "How many you going to keep?" said Benjamin Lowry Hargraves, thrusting his small hands into his velveten pockets and stretching his small legs apart, after the manner of a connoisseur. "Keep! Keep 'em all, of course," said Jim Dorsey, fondling the pups with a fearfully grimly hand. "I if I was going to own one," observed Benjamin, slowly, with the faintest perceptible quiver in his voice. "I'd take the black one with the spot on its head." Mrs. Dorsey put her head for a moment through the door of the "leanto." She was a large woman with a wide mouth, a decidedly upturned nose, but with aal kind, motherly face. "If you want one of the pups, Benjamin," she said, "Jim will spare you one when it's old enough; won't you, Jim?" "Yep," said Jim, still absorbed in fondling his treasures. Benjamin swallowed hard. "I'd like one," he said, "but I don't know. My grandpa doesn't like dogs. I'll ask mamma." That evening at his mother's knee Benjamin's prayer contained a supplementary appeal, none the less sincere for being whispered within his own little heart, that blended in this wise: "Bless everybody, and make me a good boy. Amen. And, God, will you please make grandpa like dogs. Make him like that one of Jim Dorsey's with the spot on its forhead, forever and ever. Amen." Something kept sleep out of Benjamin's eyes for a very long time after this prayer was whispered, while his mother mended the pockets of the small velleten trousers by the softly shaded lamp. Then a small voice spoke from the little white bed: "Mamma, why doesn't grandpa like dogs?" The sweet-faced lady bent her head a little lower over the needle. "I don't know, dear," she answered, softly. "All people do not like dogs. Grandpa likes a great many other things—flowers and trees and—" "I hate flowers!" said the small voice, passionately. "They don't know anything—they ain't alive!" "Grandpa is proud of his horses, too," went on the soothing voice. "I don't like 'em," said the small voice, decidedly. "They don't follow a fellow when he calls em, and they don't sit up and beg, or carry baskets in their mouths. They don't like a fellow the way a dog does." "Go to sleep now," said his mother, gently. Two brown eyes shut tightly for a moment and then opened wide again. "Mamma, didn't papa like dogs?" "Yes." "And if he had lived wouldn't I have had a dog?" "Perhaps. Go to sleep, Benjamin." The gentle face was bent still lower over the needle. But sleep was impossible with the thoughts that surged through Benjamin's rebellious brain. "Jim Dorsey is going to give me a pup. They have five. They have the old dog, too, and three rabbits and a pair of white rats and a coon. But I wouldn't want a coon. Do poor people always like dogs?" "Perhaps. But I wouldn't take the pup, Benjamin. Not now. We love grandpa too well to cause him any annoyance." The lady folded up the trousers and drew a chair beside the little bed. "Once, a long time ago," she went on, "when I was a little girl, I loved dogs, too, and used to weep and be very angry because my father would not allow me to have one. But now I am glad that I did not disobey him. I am glad that I have never disobeyed him—and so will my little boy be when he is older. We will buy Jim Dorsey's pup, if you wish, and give it to some poor little child who has no other pleasure. We will talk about it tomorrow, dear. I am going to take the lamp out now. Good night." "Good-night," said Benjamin, very near to tears. "But if you please, mamma, if I can't have that pup I'd rather just leave it with its mother." Yet as the light receded, a trustful little heart prayed again: "Please, God, make grandpa like dogs." The major was a handsome, erect old gentleman, past 65 years of age. His mustache, his flowing side whiskers and his hair were quite white, but his eyes were as alert and his tones as decided as a man in earlier prime. Jim Dorssey's pupils were three weeks old when he announced to his daughter one morning at breakfast: "Maude, the governor of the state, and as you know, an old school friend of mine, will be in town to-morrow for the purpose of inspecting the state asylum for the blind. I shall invite him to dinner, so you may prepare accordingly. Of course you will know what to get, but I would suggest that you have quail as a side dish. The governor used to be very fond of quail." All that day and half the next Benjamin lived in blissful anticipation of the coming of the governor. His lively fancy painted him at least six feet tall, wearing a helmet with a nodding plume and possibly a suit of silver mall. He was sure this last would be very handsome and appropriate, and perhaps he would carry a sword. When in due time the governor appeared, wearing a black suit after the pattern of the major's a soft hat, and carrying not even a cane, Benjamin's amusement and disappointment knew no bounds. But the governor was fine-looking and pleasant, after all. Benjamin studied this out in the unoccupied intervals between the 11 courses that did honor to the major's board. And he smiled across the table at Benjamin as if he knew boys, and commiserated with him upon his beruffled shirt waist and yellow shoes. After dinner, when the major suggested a stroll about the grounds, and this great man stretched out his hand to Benjamin with a smile, the last remnant of regret for the suit of silver mail vanished, and Benjamin laid his own hand in the governor's and loved him with all his grateful, loyal heart. How finely the sunlight shifted, and how pleasantly the autumnal leaves crunched under foot that day, as the governor smoked and commented pleasantly on the fine effects everywhere present. The stables were visited, and the horses petted and admired. "I have a new cigar," said the major, "that I had in mind to have you flavor in the open air. If you will excuse me, I will step to the house and get it." The governor and Benjamin were alone. The major's grandson looked timidly up into the great man's face, while a sudden thought made his brown eyes snarkle with enthusiasm. "Maybe you would like to see Jim Dorssey's pups," he said, a note of eager anxiety in his voice. "Jim Dorssey's pups? Certainly," said the governor, all attention. In a moment the dingy lean to sheltered the head of the chief dignitary of the state, and Jim Dorssey, proud and flushed, held the pups up, one after another, to the eyes of the admiring audience. "That one would have been mine," said Benjamin, as the pup with the star on its forehead hung suspended for a moment by the back of the neck. "Yes?" said the governor, pleasantly, as if waiting to hear more. For one awful moment all the pent-up grief threatened to overwhelm the stout little heart. The next Benjamin finished quaveringly: "But grandpa doesn't like dogs." "That's a pity," said the governor, and looking hard at the pup. "That will make a fine dog some day. Have you taught the old one any tricks?" The proud mother squirited herself of a number of astonishing feats, while the governor stood by blowing white rings of smoke in the air. Perhaps the years rolled back and he saw another faithful little dog, no handsome than this, that bounded through his own circled arms with joyous bark. The performance was finished, and Jim Dorsay stood staring after his departing guests, his heart filled to over- flowing and his hand closed upon a 50-cent coin. "That was a fine pup, of Dorsey's," said the governor again, as they crossed the lane to meet the major. A few weeks later Maj. Lowry was honored by a letter from the governor. It spoke pleasantly of many things, and toward the end ran thus: "I have picked up something fine in its way—I know your love for excellence—and I send it by express, hoping you will be pleased. I also send a little gift for the boy." For 48 hours the major lived in a glow of pleased anticipation. One of the morning papers chronicled the fact that Maj. Lowry has been made the recipient of an elegant gift from his friend, the governor of the state. Then an expressman labored up the steps with a heavy box, from the slatted sides of which peeped out a finely bred greyhound and a small pup with a white star upon its forehead! The major reeled for a moment, and then swallowed the dose bravely. The pup was taken jurupruously to Benjamin's boxom, while the greyhound stepped forth into the major's welcoming hands. "The hound is beautiful," said Benjamin's mother, her face aglow with delight, "but the smaller dog doesn't seem so fine." "Tut, tut!" said the major, sharply, "the pup has a pedigree, rest assured. My friend, the governor, would buy nothing else." In the early dawn of the next day Benjamin made his way to the Dorsey lean-to. "Yep," said Jim, "I sold the pup. The gentleman that was here that day wrote for him and sent five dollars. He was a good pup," added Jim, meditative. Up in the stillness of their own chamber Benjamin whispered the secret to his mother. "And in spite of the silver collar, mamma." he whispered, "I knew he was my own pup." But the major never knew.—Youth's Companion. TALISMAN AGAINST ALL EVIL A Strange Prayer In Use Four Hundged Years Ago to Ward Off Danger. This prayer was found in the fiftieth year of our Lord and again in the year 1515. It was sent by the pope to Emperor Charles V. when he was going to battle for his safety, and whosoever shall repeat this prayer, hear it read, or keep it about him, shall never die a sudden death, or fall into the hands of his enemies, or be burnt in any fire, or be overpowered in any battle; being read over by a woman in labor, she shall be delivered in child-birth; if you see a man in fits, lay this prayer on his right side, and he shall rise up and thank you, and he who shall write this from house to house shall be blessed by me, says the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, and he laughs at it shall suffer. Cross of Christ, ward off from me a dangerous death and always give me life. "Oh, adorable Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, dying on the gallows tree of the cross for our sins, altogether holy cross of Christ, see how I believe in thee; oh, holy, cross of Christ, tie up in me all the good and truth; oh, holy cross of Christ, will I be on the right way to happiness, oh, holy cross of Christ ward off from me a dangerous death and always give me life; oh, crucified Jesus of Nazareth, have mercy on me; that the enemy may keep off from me now and for evermore, in honor of Jesus Christ, in honor of His blessed and sacred passion and unmerciful death, in honor of His holy resurrection and Godlike ascension, through which He lives to bring us in the right way to Heaven. True as Jesus was born on Christmas day in a stable in Bethlehem; true as the three kings brought their offerings to Him on the twelfth day; true as He ascended into Heaven, so the honor of Jesus Christ will spare me from all enemies to be seen and not seen. "Now and forever into Thine hands, O Lord, I offer myself, amen; O Jesus, have mercy on me; O Mary and Joseph, pray for me through Nicodemus and Joseph of Arimathea, who took Him down from the cross and buried Him; O Lord Jesus, through the bitter agony Thou hast suffered on the cross, in particular when Thy soul was parting from Thy body, have mercy on my poor soul when it parts from its mortal body and this sinful world; O Lord, save me, that I may cary my cross with Thee, and teach me that I may make my dangers all good. Amen." COMMENT BY A CARDINAL. Some Time Before the Ladies Grasped the Full Significance of His Words. It is not generally known that papal etiquette does not countenance decolletie dresses in the pope's presence, moreover his honiness holds them in great abhorrence, says the London Madam. This is rather awkward for those who are not aware that it is considered a breach of etiquette to appear at a papal reception in ordinary court dress, as the following instance will show. A snort time ago some American ladies who were visiting Rome, wishing to attend one of those receptions, made their appearance in ordinary court dress, having availed themselves to the fullest extent of the decolletage. His holiness was horrified when he noticed them, but at the time refrained from taking any personal notice. Nevertheless, he determined to take steps for its prevention in future. A certain well-known cardinal was instructed by him to inform the ladies of their breach of etiquette. The cardinal was a man of the world, and realized that the matter must be approached with the utmost taet and delicacy; after due consideration he approached the ladies and addressing them said: "The pope is old fashioned and does not like decolletie dresses; but," he continued, waving his hand lightly in the air, "for me, I am quite accustomed to them, you know, I have been so much among savages that I do not mind them." It was some time before the ladies grasped the full significance of the cardinal's words. Imperialite Trace A regiment of 1,300 men could readily find shelter under a single banjan tree. In Indian there is one of these trees which has 400 main trunks and over 8,000 smaller ones. WITH THE FUNNY FELLOWS Partly Qualified. "What is his occupation?" asked the warden of the penitentiary, referring to the latest arrival. "He hasn't any regular occupation?" said the subordinate. "He is nothing but a ward heeler." "All right," rejoined the warden. "Put him in the sohoeming department."—Chicago Tribune. Their First Command "Well," said Mrs. Cornwallis West after they were fairly started on their honeymoon, "we are partners for life now, aren't we, dear?" "Yes, darling," he replied, "and you are the senior partner, too, aren't why, lovey, what's the matter? There, there, little girl, don't cry!"—Chicago Times-Herald. His Blank Despair "Speaking of the races, wasn't it the two-mile dash free-for-all that Binks lost all his money on?" "Yes. Why?" "Nothing, only I remember he used about a two-mile dash in expressing himself after it was over."—Chicago Tribune. An Experienced Architect. Architect—About what size house would you like? Gottrich—It need not be large. We have few friends. Architect—Ah, but you will have plenty of friends when your new house is done.—N. Y. Weekly. Abdominal? Miss Brown—What's the matter with your husband? Some stomach trouble, isn't it? Mrs. Malaproch—Oh, worse'n that! The doctor didn't specify. He just said it was some "severe abominable complaint."—Philadelphia Press. Envious Admiration: a illustration. When Mandy gets a little lied I listen by the hour. Cause I wouldn't git stage-frightened every time I made a speech. —Walter S. Cohn A SEASHORE EPISODE. BATHING 5 Why Miss Le Grande decided not to bathe.—Harlem Life. Poor Economy. I find I'm losing flesh, but not because I'm overworked or breaking nature's laws; It is that I may save a little self—I just begun to try to shave myself. Touched. The Parson—Don't you think I touched them rather deeply this morning? The Deacon—I don't know. I haven't counted up yet.—Indianapolis Press. A. Spartan Father Miss Jackson (tragically)—If you don't let me marry Jim Loafley, I'll drowned mahse'! Papa Jackson—Wall, honey, It's often heard dat dat wus an easier death deen starvation.—Puck. Wherein They Differ. "Papa, what's the difference between a defaulter and a bank robber?" "One is a respectable gentleman and the other a disreputable scoundrel, my child."—Yonkers Herald. Mud His Doubts: "They sny," said the landlady, "that a piece of steak dropped into liquid air can be broken with a hammer." "Steak like this?" asked the sandy-wiskered boarder. in a tone of mild astonishment —Indianapolis Press. For Instance: Aunt Sally—These summer boarders puts all sorts of nonsense into the young people's heads. Aunt Hannah—That's so! All the young gals in this village is worryin' about their freckles.—Puck. **Got Even.** He cut his uncle out. The maid Was willing. But the rich old fellow laughed to scoff, And subsequently cut him off. With a shilling. —Chicago Tribune. **The Custy Bachelor.** Friend—Where are you going? Crusty Bachelor—To a tea. Friend—Informal? Crusty Bachelor—No; infernal.—Syracuse Herald. Often the Case. Teller—Oh, yes! He makes a different kind of fool or himself every day in the week.—Fuck. Most Decidedly. "Pardon me for asking you, madam," said Rev. Dr. Goodman, making a friendly call upon the family who had lately moved into the neighborhood, "but have you any church connections?" "My, yes!" answered the smiling matron. "Two of my cousins are Baptist preachers, and my aunt married a Methodist class leader." — Chicago Tribune. The Old Man's Secret. They tell me I am handsome yet, And the ladies, bless them, say: "Do look at him; the dear old boy Really grows younger every day." And when asked: "How at your age, Are you so free from ills?" My answer always is the same— "Because I promptly pay my bills." — Chicago Daily News. NO MOON IN SIGHT. Little Girl—Oh, mamma, I don't like to go to sleep with the moon shining in my face. Mamma—Oh, that's all right, dearie, that's your papa's head on the front porch—Chicago Daily News. A Mistake How oft we see him blinking With assurance so sublime— The man who thinks he's thinking When he's only killing time. —Washington Star. The Evolution in Literature. Jones—A few years ago boys read Indian stories, got false ideas of life, and then ran away from home to fight redskins. This is all changed now. Smith—Yes; now they read the monthly magazines, and when they run away from home they go to the city to marry the girl in the corset advertisement—Judge. Not a Fault Finder. "You are not one of these men who find fault with the cooking at home?" "No," answered Mr. Meekton; "I don't exactly find fault, but occasionally I do feel called on to apologize for the way things taste when Henrietta gets home from the club. You see, I never could learn to make good coffee." —Washington Star. May Have Picked Them Out "Queen Victoria keeps always on hand a box of cigars for her guests, but the latter are never permitted to smoke in the presence of her majesty." "Perhaps her majesty knows how much the cigars cost a hundred."—Chicago Times-Herald. The Saucey Thing. "Have you learned," he asked, "To fliirt with a fan?" "No," the maiden said, "I prefer a man." —Chicago Times-Herald. ASKING TOO MUCH. Guest—Hi, there! proprietor! there's a chicken in this egg! Proprietor—Sorry if you're disappointed, but times are hard, and we can't afford canvas-back ducks in the eggs, sir.—Chicago Chronicle. But why should all my neighbors show Such an inanimate conceit? —Philadelphia Press. As to the Bird. "You call your parrot 'Money,' I see. Money talks." "Not at all. Don't tell anyone, but I call him that because nobody about the house can make him fly as well as my wife can." —Chicago Tribune. Witching Hour. "I find I can cultivate the muse better at night," said the poet. "Yes," replied the blind man, "that" the favorite time for the commission of crime."—Philadelphia North American. The Industrialous Commentator. Cora—Don't you think Browning's poetry is very condensed? Merritt—Apparently. It takes about three volumes of notes to explain each volume of poetry. - Judge. WALTHAM WATCHES Before 1854 there were no Waltham Watches nor any American Watches. To-day the tradition that one must go abroad for a good watch has been exploded by the American Waltham Watch Company. "The Perfected American Watch", an illustrated book of interesting information about watches, will be sent free upon request. FREE Our 160 page illustrated catalogue. FREE WINCHESTER SHOTGUNS and FACTORY LOADED SHOTGUN SHELLS the winning combination in the field or at the trap. All dealers sell them. WINCHESTER REPEATING ARMS CO. 180 WINCHESTER AVE., NEW HAVEN, CO. Winchester Factory loaded shotgun shells. "NEWRIVAL." "LEADER." and "REPEATER." A trial will prove their superiority. Farmers and Homeseekers. Keep your eye on "The Best Country on Earth," in northwestern North Dakota. The richest grain producing, black loam soil in the world. Good water in abundance, market facilities the best. We have farms at present to offer big Bargains. No. 101.—600-acre farm, 5 miles from good market, 7 miles from county seat; 350 acres under highest cultivation, balance can all be broke; 80 acres of fenced pasture. House 16x24, addition 12x24, two stories, stone foundation. Barn 40x58, addition 16x58, 15' posts, stone basement. Blacksmith 80 acres of wells and good wells of water. One mile from school house in thickly settled neighborhood. No. 102.—200-acre farm, 90 rods from county seat and market. Population of county seat 700. 115 acres under cultivation, 30 acres good meadow, balance can all be cultivated. Good black loam and clay subshell. Good wet of water. Good water of wild, wild, joins the city limits, a county seat. All good tillable land, black loam and clay subshell, a first-class quarter section. NORTH DAKOTA LAND & LOAN CO.. Rugby, Fiera County, N. D. That Funny Feeling. "Da ain't no feelin'," remarked Uncle Eben, "dat can hold oak to de curse, curse it, curse it in de man's soul, meanders down his spine an' trickles out at his heels when he done lays down a five-dollar bill in payin' fo' er am an' de grocer han's him back jes 88.37 in change." —Chicago Evening News. LOW-RATE EXCURSIONS. Via Missouri Pacific Railway and Iron Mountain Routes. To points in the West, Southwest and Southeast, at half-rates (plus $2.00) for the round 4th and 18th, October 24 and 16th, November 6th and 20th, and December 4th and 18th, 1900. For full information, land folders, etc. need any agent of above lines, or H. C. Townsend, G.P. & T. Agent, St.Louis, Mo. A Dreadful Condition. Jinks—The colonel's wife had such a tem per that she drove the poor man to drink. Binks—Seeing that they live in Kentucky I don't think that is so awful. "Well, but it was to drink water."—Detroit Free Press. It Came Natural Mrs. Johnsning—Mahland! Dat chile can't be mo' den fon'mont's ole an' walkin' eroun' likeerfull-grown man! How'd yo larn him! Mrs. Jackson—Why, Mose begin whistlin' a cake-walk de odder day, an' dat's de result—Puck. Piso's Cure for Consumption is an infallible medicine for coughs and colds. N. W. Samuel, Ocean Grove, N. J., Feb. 17, 1900. A Serious Pow-wow—"Hush, not so loud! We're having a conference of the powers." "Eh! Who is conferring?" "My wife, my mother-in-law and the cook!"—Cleveland Plain Dealer. If you want "good digestion to wait upon your appetite" you should always chew a bar of Adams' Pepsin Tutti Frutti. The trouble with the air castles girls build is that they are all parlor and music room, with no kitchens attached. Atchison Globe. Thirty minutes is all the time required to dye with PUTNAM FADELESS DYES. Sold by all druggists. The desire for fame has betrayed many an ambitious man into committing indiscretions that forever ruined his reputation. —Chicago Daily News. To Cure a Cold in One Day Love may laugh at locksmiths, but then, later on, not infrequently, so does the wolf at the door.—Puck. Hall's Catarh Cure Is taken Internally. Price 75c. ABSOLUTE SECURITY. Genuine Carter's Little Liver Pills. Must Bear Signature of Grant Good See Fac-Simile Wrapper Below. Very small and as easy to take as sugar. CARTERS LITTLE LIVER PILLS. FOR HEADACHE. FOR DIZZINESS. FOR BILIOUSNESS. FOR TORPID LIVER. FOR CONSTIPATION. FOR SALLOW SKIN. FOR THE COMPLEXION PRICE 2d Cents Purely Vegetable. GROUNDING MUST HAVE SIGNATURE. CURE SICK HEADACHE. All Women Know That ordinary treatment falls to relieve painful perlods. TheyknowLydiaE.Pinkham's Vegetable Compound will and does and has, more than any other medicine. Every woman knows about Mrs. Pinkham's medicine. Every woman knows some woman Mrs. Pinkham has cured. But nine women out of ten put off getting this reliable remedy until their health is nearly wrecked by experiments or neglect! Then they write to Mrs. Pinkham and she cures them, but of course it takes longer to do so. Don't delay getting help if you are sick. She has helped a million women. Why not you?