The American Citizen

THE AMERICAN CITIZEN. OL17 NO 26 Positions of trust held by Albany Afro-Americans. ALBANY-- One of the most prosperous businesses conducted by Afro Americans in this city is the merchant tailor establishment conducted by Messrs. Fed and Frank Van Vrankin, under the name of Van Vrankin Brothers. Their place is on Pearl street the business street of the city and they do an annual business aggregating ten thousand dollars. At the Brandow Printing and Publishing Company's plant the largest printing and publishing house in the central section of the state, is Mr. John Chapman, who is the cashier. Every dollar of the recipes and expenditures of the corn passes through his hands. Another position of trust held by an african American is that of salesman and collector held by Mr. Stafford Lippitt, who is employed big firm of Cluet and Ses, who have a network of stores all over northern New York. As a day foreman of the big Quail St. barns of the United Traction Co. is Mr. George A. Payne. He has 22 white men under him, repairing the trolley motors and keeping the mechanism of the trolley cars in good order. Mr. Painee who has been with the street car company for 16 years, worked his way up from a night inspector, was then promoted to be assistant foreman in the North Albany car-barns; and has since been promoted to the position of day foreman. The position of private secretary to the librarian of the State library is held by Miss H. Alafarata Chapman. Miss Chapman won her way the front by taking a civil service examination, and by showing herself efficient has been gradually promoted to one of the most trusted and confidential positions in the Regent office. All the persons named above are native Albanians. The United Traction Company also employees several Afro-American guides; and at one time, was thinking of employing Afro-Americans as motormen. ASMALL RACE RIOT. Princeton.—A race riot broke out at the fair grounds today as a result of a white man striking a Negro girl. Scores of whites and blacks participated, and three whites and two Negroes were injured one of the latter being shot in the head. The whites drove the Negroes from the grounds. Many arrests were made. Notes. When white men deliver addresses of welcome to Negro assemblages why is it that they do not stay and hear the response to their welcome. Savannah, Ga. will be the next Southern city to be cured with the enforcement of a separate street car law. The state law has not been enforced in that city but now the city authorities have taken up the matter and will pass a local ordinance. The principals of all the colored public schools of Richmond, Va., including the High and primary schools are white and all the assistants nearly one hundred are colored. The Missouri Pacific Railroad Co. has decided to discontinue the services of colored porters on its trains and employ white brakemen instead. Mr. Roscae Conkling Bruce who has been connected with Tuskegee Institute for several years, has been appointed supervising principal of public schools of Washington, D.G. Mr. C. W. Chase, a millionaire of Gamesville, Fla. has lost $10,000 experimenting with Chinamen as substitutes for Negro laborers in his naval stores work. He acknowledges that Chinese are undisputed failures as substitutes being willing workers, but physically too weak. The chinks have been shipped back to Portland from whence they were brought, and the Negroes will be put back to work. Another prejudicial sceptic has been convicted.—Advocate. GANS AND BRITI ARE MATCHED TO FIGHT. Joe Gans and Jimmy Britt have been matched by Tex Richard to fight for a $25,000 purse here on Christmas night. Gans was offered the fight after his win from Nelson and accepted. Britt, who is in San Francisco, was communicated with and also accepted. Goldfield will have no more to do with Nelson. "He could not fight before this club for a rotten," said Richard. DEMOCRATS DISHEARTENED CANDIDATES ARE SULKING AND SCRAPPING EACH OTHER. Overmyer Wants Ryan's Scalp—Jarrell Bolts Webb—Harris Called Down By Tom McNeal—The Rebel Colonel Forced to Admit He Is Sorry Roosevelt Was Elected President—Other Political Gossip. Topeka.—The Democratic organization in this state is fast going to pieces and the bottom is dropping out of the campaign. The candidates are dissatisfied with the work of the committee and the members of the committee say that they cannot make a successful campaign with the candidates sulking. David Overmyer, chief of the rabble rousers among the candidates, is said to be very indignant because Chairman Ryan, of the state committee, has not displayed more energy and more ability to grasp the Kansas situation. Overmyer is also warm about the neck band because J. F. Jarrrell, chairman of the press bureau, has refused to support W. D. Webb, the Atchison man nominated by the Democrats for congress in the First district. Overmyer thinks that a bolter should not have a place about committee headquarters and he wants some changes made. In order to get let down as gracefully as possible, the Democrats are suggesting that W. F. Sapp, of Galena, be called back to headquarters to manage the campaign farce. Sapp does not care to get into the fight which mismanagement and lack of votes has already lost. --- There was an interesting meeting at Lawrence recently in which Colonel W. A. Harris displayed his bad temper and was laughed at by his audience. Harris and T. A. McNeal were engaged to speak there during the afternoon. There was a tacit agreement that politics should not be discussed. Mason S. Peters, of Kansas City, spoke first, and broke this agreement by informing his hearers that the election of Harris meant a clean government and the enforcement of all laws. Peters was followed by Harris, who let politics alone for a time and then thought to "slip one over the plate" on McNeal by praising President Roosevelt. McNeal saw that the Colonel wanted to leave the impression with the audience that he was really a Roosevelt man, so the Republican candidate for state printer took his cue accordingly. When he came to speak he talked of the things that he had intended to speak of and then touched up the political situation by saying: "I infer from the remarks Colonel Harris has made here this afternoon that he voted for Alton Parker for president two years ago, but that he is now glad that Roosevelt is president and that he was wrong." "I deny that," said Colonel Harris, rising in his place on the platform and shouting at the speaker. "I did not leave any such inference and deny that you had any ground for making a mis-statement." "O, of course," was the rejoinder of McNeal, "If you want to deny that you are sorry that Roosevelt is president, I will let it go at that, and I am sorry I mis-judged your statement." The crowd had a hearty laugh at this and McNeal continued with his remarks. He did not intend leaving the platform until he had had a word about Peters' statement. He said he was glad to know that the election of Harris meant enforcement of all of the laws and that he had been in doubt about what had really been meant since he had heard the eloquent speech delivered by W. W. Rose, of Kansas City, the representative of Colonel Harris on the occasion, at Leavenworth. McNeal said that Rose had presented a beautiful picture to the Leavenworth people about how the election of Harris would affect the town, and had told his audience that cities under the new state government would be able to defy the constitution and operate to suit themselves. "I deny 'hat," again shouted the irate Chicago colonel as he arose and started to leave the platform. "I deny that Rose represented me and you have no right to be unfair about it." "I am, scry," replied McNeal, "but KANSAS CITY, KANSAS FRIDAY EVENING. Kate said he represented you and I supposed he knew what he was talking about." One enthusiastic supporter of the Democratic ticket in the front row of seats arose and called for three the cheering, but one of these dropped out when he saw how much he and his friends were in the minority and the others were very weak when they aired the last volley. Frank Jarrell, chairman of the Democratic press bureau, has bolted the nominee of his party for congress in the First district. Of course, a Democrat running against Charles Curtis stands no chance to win, and the Democrats therefore selected a Republi- They happened to select a man well known to Jarrell and the latter as the following interesting bit of information on the subject in his newspaper: "The Democratic committee of the First congressional district finally succeeded in getting a Republican to accept the Democratic nomination for congressman—Judge W. D. Webb, of Attichion. The committee flirted with H. B. Kelly, of Topeka, and Dan Anthony, of Leavenworth, but both repelled the advances made, and then Judge Webb was taken. Judge Webb makes no pretense of being in sympathy with the principles of Democracy, except that he says he believes in tariff reform, and has it in for Curtis. Judge Webb expected an appointment, and probably ought to have had one, for he was a good worker; but just why the Democratic party should officially take up his cause, and break into the Curtis fight, is not plain. Was there no Democrat in the district worthy the honor of a nomination? So far as we are concerned, we decline to be drawn into the Republican quarrel in this district, even by the Democratic congressional committee. Jackson county has a candidate for congressman who stands on two planks of the Democratic platform—tariff reform and prohibition—while Webb stands on only one. The Jackson county man is R. P. Logan, the nominee of the Prohibition party. If the committee at Valley Falls had nominated a Democrat, we would have supported him, but as between the Attichion county Republican and the Jackson county Prohibitionist, we will vote for the home man. The congressional committee misused the authority conferred by the convention, in nominating a Republican, and Democrats will not hesitate to repudiate its action. "Judge Webb used to hate Democrats. We heard him make a Republican speech in Atchison once in which he declared that all the drunkards, gamblers, thugs and loafers were in the Democratic party. The next night Balie Waggener roasted Webb for his statement. A friend of Judge Webb's in the audience shouted that what Webb said was true. 'You're a liar,' replied Waggener, 'and you won't have any trouble finding me after the meeting is over.' But when the meeting was over, it was noticed that Judge Webb's friend had slid out. Doubtless Judge Webb has changed his mind about the make up of the Democratic party, now that he wants about 15,000 Democratic votes." The Republican state central committee will meet here September 21, to discuss the progress of the campaign. It is customary for the committee to meet once during a campaign and discuss conditions and make plans for the future. The Republican committee will mark out a policy which will be followed by its officers until the day of election. The officers of the committee are well satisfied with conditions and believe that they will be able to produce a poll or estimate of conditions in a short time that will be particularly gratifying to the members of the committee. Henry Allen, of Ottawa, is asking some embarrassing questions of Colonel Harris and his supporters. Harris and his friends all admit that the Chicago man is ideal timber for governor. Allen asks if Harris was an ideal citizen when he turned against the government and fought to disrupt it, if he was an ideal congressman when he played against the government; if he was an ideal state senator when he worked against the interest the people on railroad regulation d if he was ideal when his judg- ent was bad on free silver issues. Mr. Heckman, one of the leading merchants at Liberty, says that since the Holmes revival, which is being conducted Rev. Ben Young started, many debts of long standing have been paid by those who have been converted. REPUBLICAN STATE TICKET Governor E. W. Hoch. Lieutenant Governor — William J. Fitzgerald. Secretary of State — C. E. Benton. Autor James M. Nation Attorney General — Frederick S. Jackson. Treasurer — Mark Tully. Superintendent of Schools — E. T. Fairchild. State Printer — Thomas A. McNeol. Member of the Supreme Court — W. A. Johnson (six years). R. A. Burch. (six years), Silas Porter (four years). Charles B. Graves (four years). Superintsadent of Insurance — Chas. W. Barnes. For Raiload Commissioner — Fran L. Ryan. George W. Kanavl. Charles A. Ryker. REPUBLICAN COUNTY TICKET. Probate Judge—Henry Meade. County Attorney—Marvin J. Reitz. Clerk of the District Court—W. J. Wright, Jr. Superintendent of Public Instruction —George E. Rose. County Treasurer—J. W.'Longfellow. Register of Deeds—Lou H. Chapman. Clerk of Court of Common Pleas— Frank L. Kenney. County Surveyor—J. H. Lasley. Public Administrator—Maurice L. Alden. Commissioner, Second District—R.L. Marshman. Representative, Ninth District—E.K. Robinett. ' Representative, Tenth District..E.A. Representative, Eleventh District.. C. D. Dail. Publication Notice. In the District Court of the 29th Judicia district of Kansas. John W. Robinson, vs. Lille Robinson. To the above named defendant, you are herely notified that you have been sued in the above named court by the above named plaintiff, and that unless you appear and answer on or before the 21st day Oct. 1905, the petition filed in said cause will be taken as true and a judgment rendered the nature of which will be a decree dissolving the bonds of matrimony existing between plain- and defendant and divorcing plaintiff from defendant and for costs on this action. John W. Robinson, Piff. Attest: By I. F. Bradley. Atty. Wm. Needles. Clerk. Sept. 7. Publication Notice In the District Court of Wyandotte County, Kansas. Birdie Smith, Plaintiff. vs. Peter Smith, Desendant. To the above named defendant, you are hereby notified that you have been sued in the above named court, by the above named plaintiff, and that unless you appear and answer on or before the 14th day of September, 1006, the petition filed against you will be taken as true and a judgement rendered against you the nature of which will be a decree dissolving the bonds of matrimony existing between plaintiff and defendant, and restoring plaintiff to her maiden name, Birdie Renick and for cost of this suit. I. F. BRADLEY, Atta, for Pliff. Attest: Wm. Needles, Clerk. Notice of Final Settlement State of Kansas, County of Wyandotte In the Probate Court in and for said county. In the matter of the Estate of Peter Bruns ceased. Creditors and all persons interested in the aforesaid estate, are hereby notified that at the next regular term of the Probate Court in and for said county, to be begun and held at the Probate Court room in Kansas City, County of Wyandotte and State aforesaid.on the first Saturday in the month October A. D. 1906. I shall apply to the said Court for a full and final settlement of said sale. SOPHIA VAN TUYL. Executrix of Peter Bruns, deceased. In withes whereof, and undersigned Probate Judge in and for the County of Wyandotte, State of Kansas, have hereto set my hand, and affixed the seal of the said Probate this 10th day of September A. D. 1906. Winfield Freeman, Probate Judge. Sept. 14. thisSection R CALL HERE POLI-TICKS Notwithstanding the flattering head lines and various reports heralded here and there by various papers regarding the political condition and the ultimate results in the state. There is thousands of staunch republicans throughout the state who are still loyal to the principles of the grand old party and will see to it that Gov. Hooh and the entire state ticket will be triumphant in November. It is a conceded fact that the Wyandotte county ticket put up by the Republicans is a strong one and a winner. The principles of the Republican party are allright, men affiliated with that party may make mistakes, its human to err-then the party should not be condemned on that ground. The County ticket of the Republican party in Wyandotte is alright. Whoop 'em boys. Let by gemes be by gones boys and put your shoulders to the wheel…"rally 'round the flag" and see that the excellent ticket in Wyandotte county of the Republican as well as in the state is a glorious winner. "The Man of the Hour." Major D. E. Cornell the opular and well known gentleman who needs no introduction to the people of this community is beyond question the man of hour to fill the unexpired term of W. W. Rose. We feel that he will meet the approbation of all irrespective of party affiliation. Major Cornell is familiar with municipal government and wound enforce the law as rigidly as he understands it. The selection of Major Cornell would heel wounds and bridges over chasms. His career in public life is untarnished. His most strenuous labors has been in the interest of this city. He we repeat is the man of the hour. The Coming Carnival. One of the most commendable steps ever taken by the citizens of this community is the Business Men's Carnival the week of Oct. 15th. This city has been amply advertised as one of political strife and turmoil, the outside world has long since concluded that the most Kansas City, Kansas., people study is politics. It is a record breaker...five mayors in five months. It is certainly high time that the people should come together and do something for the betterment of the city and make true and surely a fit place to live and the greatest Metropolis in the glorious West. May success attend the efforts of the Business Men. Let everybody do their utmost that the com-ng carnival will be a success and be followed by more elab orate fall festivities in the coming years. IT'S UP TO YOU The National Negro Business League of which Mr. Booker T. Washington is president, closed its Seventh Annual Meeting last week in Atlanta, Ga., in a blaze of glory. The Eighth Annual Meeting will be held in Topeka, Kansas, the capital of our state in August, 1907. Let Kansas City, Kansas and her sister across the Kaw in Missouri—wake up—we have some as successful Negro Business men as can be found anywhere in the county. Let's get together. Let's show to the world that the Negro in the grea. est states in the country are alright. NOTE LETS For Rent-To desirable parties(glenman perfered)well furnished rooms in one of the best families in the city,inquire at this office. Mrs.S. T. Mitchell of 340 Minn.ave,is proprietress of one of the most desirable clean up-to date Rooming house in the city-charges always reasonable. For Nice Furnished Rooms call on Mrs. Iday Easily at 107 N.6th st, conveniently located only one block from the Minnesota ave, car line, Prices reasonable. Final Settlement. In the Probate Court of Wyandotte county Kansas. In the matter of the Estate of Isaac Hatton, Deceased. Notice of Final Settlement Notice of final settlement. To whom it may concern. This is to notify all persons, that, I will on Monday the 4th day of Dec. 1905, make final settlement in the above entitled estate, or as soon thereafter as shall be contentent, all persens interested take notice and govern yourselves accordingly. JOHN BARNETT Administrator with will annexed. 1st Pub. Nov. 1905. Executors Notice State of Kansas, County of Wyandotte } ss In the Probate Court of Said County. In the matter of the Estate of Anna Williams, deceased Notice is hereby given that letters testamentary have been granted to the undersigned on the last will and testament of Anna Williams, late of said County, deceased, by the Honorable, the Probate Court of the County and State aforesaid, dated the 17 day of July, 1906. Now, all persons having claims against said estate are hereby notified that they must present the same to the undersigned for the allowance within one year from the date of said letters, or they may be precluded from any benefit of such estate; and that if such claims be not exhibited within three years after the date of said letters, they shall be forever barred. JAMES DOWNS. Executor of the last will and testament of Anna Williams deceased. Dated Aug. 11, 1906. Nice Furnished Rooms for rent with board or without, will be at home to friends on Thursday, 423 Oakland ave Mrs.Annie Williams. Mrs. Roed, 528 Neb. ave., has a few nicely furnished roms to rent. Publication Notice In the District Court of Wyandotte County kansas. Frank Benton, Plaintiff. vs. Jane Benton, Defendant. The above named defendant will hereby take notice that she has been sued by the above named plaintiff in the above hated court, and that unless you appear and answer, on or before the 30th day of April 1906 the petition filed against her will be taken as true and a judgement rendered the nature of which will be a decree dissolving the bond of matrimony existing between the plaintiff and defendant, and divorcing him from her the said defendant, and for cost to this suit. I. F. BRADLEY, Atty. for Pliff Atest: Wm. Needles, Clerk. July Its. Publication Notice. In the Court of Common Pleas of Wyandott County, Kansas. L. E. Hayes, Plaintiff, us. Linus S. Wolcott. Frank E. Welcott, Elizbeth Chapman and her husband J. P. Chapman, Evelyn Collar, F. T. Collar, John Miller W. T. Little and Company and S. F. Scott. et al, Defendants. John Miller, W. T. Little and company and S. F. Scott, non-resident defendants. To you and each of you: You are hereby notified that you have been sued by the above named plaintiff in the entitled action, in the Court of Common Pleas of Wyndotte County Kansas, and that unless you answer the petition filed herein on or before Monday April 23rd, 1906, said petition will be taken as true, and a judgment will be rendered in said cause against you, and each of you, of the following nature to-wit: A judgment in favor of said plaintiff, quieting his title to the following described real estate, situated in Wyndotte City, now a part of Kansas, City Kansas, and more particularly described as lot 15 and 16 in Block 64 in Wyndotte City, now a part of Kansas City, Kansas, and restraining and enjoining you and each of you from claiming or attempting to claim any interest in or to, or title to said property or any part thereof, and a further judgment against you and each of you for the costs of said action. L. E. HAYES, Plaintiff. Mar. 2. Publication Notice. In the District Court of Wyandotte County Kansas George Waller, Plaintiff. vs. Anna Waller, Defendant. To the above named defendant, you are hereby notified that you have been said in the above named court, by the above named plaintiff and that unless you appear and answer on or before the 300th day of April, 1906, the petition will be taken as true and a judgement rendered, the nature of which will be a decree dissolving the bond of matrimony existing between plaintiff and defendant and divorcing plaintiff and defend ant and for cost of this suit. I. F. Bradley, Atty, for Pliff. Attest: Wm. Needies, Clerk. Mareb 2. NOW IS the time to Subscribe For the Weeky American Citizen. The Oldest Negro Journal Published Weekly in this part of the Country. Published Weekly at 1510 North 3rd Street KANSAS CITY . . . . . KANSAS. W. C. Martin, Editor, Geo. A Dudley, Publisher and Business Manager. Terms of Subscription in Advance. One Year.....$1.00 Six Months.....65c Three Months.....40c One Month.....15c Advertising 25 cents per inch First Insertion. A Standing Display 'Ad' for 3 Months or longer 15c per inch, each insertion. Grangemouth is the name of a Moscow editor. Evidently a farmer on the side. Waldorf Astor has become so thoroughly anglicized that he is going to marry an American girl. A clergyman says that bridge whistle leads to mental decline. Why doesn't he try poker for a change? Senator Pettus is declared to be a poor man and fond of poker. The last explains the first, possibly. Perhaps boys should be thankful for whippings, as somebody declares, but they seldom are before they are 45. Sweet Spring is now approaching, and Summer with the rose, so poetry's encroaching upon the field of prose. King Edward was "warmly received" in Paris, but not in the same way as when he used to be prince of Wales. The czar will reserve the right to wield the big stick over the Douma, according to the latest advices from St. Petersburg. We learn from the New York Mail that women are using garters to keep those long, arm-length gloves in place. But do they hold? Manchuria will be finally evacuated by the Japanese in a few days. It has taken them longer to get out than it did to get in. It is now believed that Anna Gould is going to give Boni one more chance, in spite of the fact that he has taken a great many already. Uruguay should not be blamed for having a revolution. A review of recent South American history shows that it is Uruguay's turn. Asks the editor of the Pittsfield Journal: "Are there four girls with gray eyes in Pittsfield?" Apparently ye scribe means to get busy. Queen Maud of Norway is losing her health because she fears her husband will be killed. This queen business is not all pickles and pie. It was not long ago that all the "success" magazines were pointing to the Pittsburgh millionaires as examples, to the youth of the land. With 10,000 doctors in convention in Boston next summer, the rest of the country ought to have a good opportunity to get well.—Boston Globe. It is a pity that the great romancers of the sea did not live in a generation which affords such thrilling material as the log of the dry dock Dewey. A Minnesota man says he has discovered the cause of the aurora borealis. But what beafing will this have on the price of coal this year? Much to the surprise of everybody, some of the phenomenal ball players added to the leading nines as marvelous discoveries will probably make good. Cheer up, mister! The president of the Dressmakers' National Protective Association says that women's dress will be less expensive this year than ever before. The Japanese, says one of their statesmen, should adopt chairs and develop their legs. Well, short legs did not prevent them from "getting there" in the late war. Portla, as quoted by the editor of a kind of society paper, is made to say: "How far that little scandal tarows his beams! So shines a bad deed in this haughty world." News comes from the east that the seventeen-year locusts will devastate the land this year. How many times in the course of a decade do the seventeen-year locusts come, anyhow? As the last suffragist was detached from the doorknob and put into the police wagon, the premier of the great British Empire crawled out from under his bed and sighed a sigh of relief An actor has become a soldier in order to escape the adulation of matinee girls. We know several actors who should be driven from the stage with a club instead of soft glances. GREAT SINGER IS UNGRATEFUL. Mme. Patti Criticizes America, While Made, Her Wealthy. Confirmation of the report that Mme. Adelina Patti has made her final tour in the United States is found in her recent criticisms of the American people. This lady, who once lived down on Grand street West, but now dwells in a castle in Wales, largely owing to the generosity of the citizens of this city, has lately discovered that we haven't any appreciation of art, cookery, music or good manners. This is an ill return for all the complimentary words we have uttered about her, not to mention the dollars we have paid to hear her voice. Although she was born in Madrid in February, 1843, she came here with her parents as a child and grew up among the people of New York. Her brother, Carol, used to lead the orchestra at the Grand Opera House, during the Jim Fisk era of French opera-bouffe. Mme. Patti's last tour of this country was not financially successful—a circumstance that may account for her change of heart. The lady, however, insisted upon receiving her contract money to the last dollar. The impressario was almost ruined, although the fault was the diva's own. She couldn't sing! Her voice had lost its fine quality. She wasn't a "diva" any longer. The American people found this out and refused to assist in maintaining Craig y Nos castle.—Brooklyn Eagle. Famous Actors as Negro Minstrels Famous Actors as Negro Minstrels. Jefferson said he thought he was one of the first men to black his face after the appearance and success of "Jim Crow" (T. D.) Rice. "I suppose," said Mrs. Drew, "there are very few men in this company who have not at one time or another been associated with minstrel performances." "I played Brudder Jones," said Mr. Jefferson. "Everybody knows I was in the minstrel business," Goodwin exclaimed. "Yes," I remarked, "because we were there together. "Well," joined in Crane, "I was on the tambourine end with Campbell's minstrels." I remember telling this at Lawrence Barrett's house at Cohasset, where the rest of the party consisted of Edwin Booth and Stuart Robson. Booth then told how he and J. S. Clarke were minstrels in their younger days, and he followed this up by declaring that he used to "pick a little on the banjo." I laughed, and Booth inquired the reason, and I added, "Oh, nothing much, only Booth and the banjo seemed such an odd combination."—Francis Wilson in Scribner's Magazine. O Thou Compassionate. How deeply comforting the tender phrase. Thy greater attribute seem merged in this— Through all life's long and dark and weary maze. Thou art Compassionate. To God of Justice and of Power we turn When wrong or devastating blow cuts And yet in daily struggle needs must yearn For one Compassionate. In limits of our souls we live, alone, And e'en our nearest may not understand. But all "the household jar within" is known To thee, Compassionate. Thou know'st the many sorrows of the day; Wide longing, narrow opportunity— We bring life's broken toys, as children may, To one Compassionate. We may have blundered grievously and long, Darkened Thy world we might have made so bright. Still Thou dost heal the heartache and the wrong O Thou Compassionate! —May Ethelyn Bourne, in Overland Of No Importance. Two men were standing together on an East River ferryboat when one pointed out a third man with the remark: "I can't recall his name at this moment, but he writes for a number of the magazines." His friend looked at the stranger with much interest. "Oh, one of our frenzled finance captains, is he?" he asked. "No, he—" "Writes up trusts and things, then?" "Oh, then he's a prizefighter or an actor—he is rather husky looking." "Oh!" the friend exclaimed, the look of interest suddenly dying out of his face.-New York Journal. True to His Promise. The other boy had called Tommy a liar, an 'a fightin' liar, and told him he dassen't take it up. "Tommy's fists were clinched and his eyes were blazing, but he stood there rapidly repeating something to himself, in accordance with a long standing promise he had made to his mother. "If you'll jist wait till I've finished sayin' it," he said, "I'll knock the tar out o' you, Dick Bunker, you ple faced slob! 'But children, you should never let your angry passions—'" The other boy, however, disappeared around the corner while Tommy's lips were still moving. Flying Wedge. "Great Scott!" exclaimed the drummer who had put up in the old farm house over night. "What was that noise down below? Football rush?" "Worse than that, stranger," chuckled the old farmer, as he snuffed out the candle. "Yeou see, I have eight darters an' each one of them has a bean who calls on Thursday nights. Wall, the first couple that gets the parlor can have it. That's why they are running." LACE SCARF AS EAR TRUMPET. Elderly Lady Has Discovered It Acts as Sounding Board. With advancing years a dear old lady has found that her hearing has become somewhat affected. She has not found it necessary to use an ear trumpet as yet, but it is difficult at times to catch all that friends say. Anything said in an undertone is completely lost to her—that is, it was until she hit upon a novel idea. While visiting a friend recently the hostess had pitched her voice almost to the straining point and her vocal organs were getting tired, when "Aunt Sls," as she is affectionately termed, interrupted her by saying: "Please, dearle, hand me my lace head scarf." "Do you feel a draught?" anxiously inquired the hostess, handing over the mantilla. "Not the slightest," said "Aunt Sis" as she adjusted the head covering. "Then why do you wear it? It will make your head tender." "Oh, I think not. You see, the scarf acts as a sort of sounding board. It keeps out all other sounds except those of the human voice. When I wear this I can hear even a whisper I can't explain why it is, but it is so, nevertheless. I have had lots of fur over it, too. My boys have been taking advantage of my infirmity to whisper per to each other. I didn't hear them before I began to wear this scarf, but now I know lots of their secrets and they don't know it. It's a good joke on them." Fish Know Colors. "Fish know colors," said a keeper at the New York Aquarium the other day. "They can distinguish between red and blue, or white and green, as well as you and I. Wait and I'll prove it." He led the way to a tank in which were some red and some yellow and some green fish, and in it were artificial grottoes painted respectively red and yellow and green. The keeper rolled the water with his hand, and the fish fled, the red ones to the red grotto, the yellow ones to the yellow grotto, and the green ones to the green grotto. "They know which color shields them from observation best," said he. "Now I'll change the grottoes, so as to prove my statement a second time." He moved the grottoes to different places in the tanks and again rolled the water. The same thing followed as before. Each fish darted like a shot to the grotto of its own color, where it knew it would be best concealed. To the Beloved. Everything that I made I used to bring you. Was it a song, why, then 'twas a song to sing to you. Was it a story, to you I was telling my story. Ah, my dear, could you hear 'mid the bliss and the glory? Did any one praise me to, to you I said it all over; My last song for you: how we laughed in the days past recover? My tears and my troubles were yours; did any one grieve me. I carried it straight to the love that was sure to relieve me. O my dear, when aught happens, to you I am turning. Forgetting how far you have traveled this day from my yearning. There is nobody to tell things to; your house is so lonely; And still I'm forgetting and bringing my tale to you only. The old days are over; how pleasant they were, the fine weather. When youth and my darling and I were at home and together! And still I'm forgetting, ochone, that no longer you need me. And turn to you still with my tale, and there's no one to hear me. —Pall Mall Gazette. Fate of the Old Presidents. In the autumn of 1901 Mrs. W. of Roxbury spent a few weeks with her daughter in Nova Scotia, returning home shortly before President McKinley was shot, bringing her niece, Bessie F., aged 6 years, home with her. Of course the child heard a good deal of talk in the house about the shooting of the president. One day Bessie said to her aunt: "Aunt Minnie, who is king of the United States?" Her aunt replied: "We have no kings in the United States like you do in your British country. We have presidents. We have an election every four years and elect a new one." "Oh, yes," the child replied; "and then they shoot the old ones, don't they?"—Boston Herald. New City for Egypt Snakin, on the Red sea, has proved an unsatisfactory port and is to be superseded by a brand-new rival which has been built up out of coral work and desert sand by the Egyptian authorities. The rival is Port Sudan, the latest addition to the universities of the British empire, and an enthusiast says that it is destined to be a place of magnitude and importance in the days when cotton shall have made it the New Orleans of the east. The place has hitherto been called Mersa Sheikh Barud. It is about 680 miles south of Suez and is capable of holding a dozen vessels of moderate size. The entrance is 600 feet across, and the land around is six feet above sea level. Posers for Scholars Twenty words submitted to a spelling bee in Springfield, Mass., in 1846 were given to the high school class at East Liverpool by Supt. Rayman, and it is reported not one in the class correctly spelled every word. Only ten had averages of over 90 per cent. The average of the 124 pupils was $73\frac{1}{2}$ per cent. The words submitted were accidental, accessible, baptism, chirography, characteristic, deceitful, descendant, eccentric evanescent, fierceness, feignedly, ghastliness, gnawed, heiless, hysterics, imbecility, inconceivable, inconvenience inefficient, irresistible. -Pittsburgh Dispatch. SHIELDS FOR TROOPS IN WAR. Their Use Urged by a German Milli- tary Writer. A writer in the Militar-Wochenblatt raises anew the question of the use of portable shields for the protection of infantry in the attack, says the Broad Arrow. He writes approvingly of the Japanese spade work in the offensive, the more so because he mentions incidentally, as a matter regarding which there can be no dispute, that the German authorities have long since advocated the use of artificial cover in the attack, and points out that when the ground was frozen or rocky, and the spade could make no impression upon it, the attacking Japanese infantry not infrequently went forward, carrying with them filled sandbags weighing as much as forty pounds. He remarks that if the undoubtedly brave Japanese soldier found it necessary to load himself with so bulky and burdensome a protection when advancing in the open against an intrenched enemy it would seem far better to equip the infantry with a light, haady shield. Furnished with a handle by which to carry it, a loophole to fire through and some arrangement to prevent its falling down, the infantryman would then find himself, like his gunner comrade, protected by a bullet-proof shield. The writer in the Wochenblatt suggests that on the march the shield should be carried on the back, when going into action on the chest, and when advancing to the attack in the left hand, so as to be at once available for use when lying down to fire, both as head cover and rifle rest. YOUR HAIR SHOULD BE DRAB. That is the Fashionable Color, So an Authority Says. "Deep auburn and the drab shades are the fashionable colors in hair this season," said the woman who makes hair coloring a speciality, as placidly as though she were commenting on the state of the weather or the advance style in dress goods. "One of my customers has to my knowledge worn five different colors or shades on her wavy tresses. Having been blessed with medium brown hair by nature she became a ravishing blonde when the fashion for bleaching first came in. "Next she took to titan red after a trip to the art galleries of Europe. Then she thought she would be more attractive as a brunette, and now her hair is drab. "The last is by far the most popular of all for the reason that is most difficult to obtain, and then it is pretty generally becoming, and it happens that women who are born with this particular color of hair are almost always clever. "How is it done? Well, in case of a woman whose hair is dark a bleach must first be used before the dye is applied. With women whose hair has turned gray it is a still simpler problem. The color lasts a year, while the head can be washed and even salt water bathing does not affect it."—New York Sun. What bought my private car? Just wealth What bought my lovely yacht. Which sails me to lands where health Is found in every spot? What bought the most delightful wife A man could hope to win? What buys her every wish in life— The clothes she dazzles in? And if her heart beats not for me, And I am not adored, you see, Well—I don't know! And heaven? Oh, of course, I don't Expect to get in free; But if the Lord meant what he said But if the Lord meant what he said Concerning charity. The tittle before I die. Will slip me through the needle's eye. Or I don't know! For happiness? Well, money bought The ninety-cent cigar. It bought the which I lol. It bought this private car; It bought this cogac—and, I guess. If all this is not happiness. Not a Good Advertisement A Welsh judge had before him a ease in which a printer sued a pork butcher for the value of a large parcel of paper bags with the butcher's advertisement printed thereon. The printer, having no suitable illustration to embellish the work, thought he improved the occasion by putting an elaborate royal arms above the man's name and address, but ultimately the latter refused to pay. The judge, looking over a specimen, observed that for his part he thought the lion and the unicorn were much nicer than an old fat pig. "O well," answered the butcher, "perhaps your honor likes to eat an animal like that, but my customer's don't. I don't kill lions and unicorns—I only kill fat pigs!" Verdict for defendant.—New York World. A Kansas City man purchased a city lot with the restriction that he should not build a house on it to cost less than $2,500. After having paid for the lot he decided to build a $1,500 cottage. Before he had completed it the real estate man from whom he had bought the lot threatened to sue him for breach of contract. "This little shack you are building," said the real estate man, "lacks a whole lot of beating a $2,500 house such as you agreed to build." "Don't form too hasty judgment," replied the owner. "True, it hasn't cost that much yet, but I intend to put a solid gold brick in the chimney." —Kansas City Times Telephone Bell W. 32 W. B. R. FUNERAL and Embalmer. The very best for alll Purpos The Best Equipped White sick and on Short Notice. Charges R sota Ave., Kansas Western B. Raymon GENERAL DIRECTOR her. The very best of Service, Fine for all Purposes, at all Hours. Equipped White Enameled Ambul sick and wounded Notice. Charges Reasonable. Call at sota Ave., Kansas City, Kansay. tern Univer W. B. Raymond FUNERAL DIRECTOR and Embalmer. The very best of Service, Fine Carriages for all Purposes, at all Hours. The Best Equipped White Enameled Ambulance for sick and wounded on Short Notice. Charges Reasonable. Call at 431 Minnesota Ave., Kansas City, Kansay. Western University THE GREAT EDUCATIONAL INSTITUTION FOR KANSAS AND THE WEST . . . . . DEPARTMENTS:—Theological, C Industrial. COURSES:—Classical, College, I sical (Instrumental and Vocal mony, Drawing (Fine Arts and Book-Binding, Business Tailoring, Dressmaking and Farming and Gardening. ADVANTAGES:—Splendid Loca ences and Thorough Teacheh INFORMATION:—For terms, n write to WILLIAM T. VER PRES QUINDARO, Phones Office—Bell— Residence—B Why does colored people as well as by a smoky poor light water full of MENTS:—Theological, College, Normal, Sub-Normal. —Classical, College, Preparatory, Normal, Sub-Instrumental and Vocal), including piano, on Drawing (Fine Arts and Mechanical), Carpet-Binding, Business Course, Stenography and Log, Dressmaking and Plain Sewing, Cooking and Gardening. ES:—Splendid Location, Healthful Climate, and Thorough Teachers. ION:—For terms, prices and all inducements. IAM T. VERNON, A. M., PRESIDENT, Phones Office—Bell—"White" 4302. Residence—Bell—"West" 15. red people as well as uncolored people set in by a smoky poor light and drink muddy bad water full of disease germs. DEPARTMENTS:—Theological, College, Normal, Sub-Normal and State Industrial. COURSES:—Classical, College, Preparatory, Normal, Sub-Normal, Musical (Instrumental and Vocal), including piano, organ and harmony, Drawing (Fine Arts and Mechanical), Carpentry, Printing and Book-Binding, Business Course, Stenography and Typewriting, Tailoring, Dressmaking and Plain Sewing, Cooking, Laundering, Farming and Gardening. ADVANTAGES:—Splendid Location, Healthful Climate, Good Influences and Thorough Teachers. INFORMATION:—For terms, prices and all inducements offered write to WILLIAM T. VERNON, A. M., D. D. QUINDARO, KANSAS. Phones Office—Bell—"White" 4302. Residence—Bell—"West" 15. Why does colored people as well as uncolored peoplelet set in the dark or by a smoky poor light and drink muddy bad water full of disease germs. When they can get a first-class Bright Gas Burner Light Gas Burner Light Bright Gas Burner Light For 35 to 75 cents. And a Self Clean that makes the water clean For 50 to A. J. SH ROO Self Cleaner Water makes the water clear as a Crystal and Health For 50 to 75 cents. A. J. SHERIDAN ROOM 8, TA AVE. KANSAS CITY shade of the Old Apple Tree" is a very popular sular by trading at a popular store? L. J. MADDUX 梨 and Fancy Grocer meats and all Kinds of Produce that makes the water clear as a Crystal and Healthy. For 50 to 75 cents. A. J. SHERIDAN "In the shade of the Old Apple not you be popular by trading at a p L. J. M Staple and Fa Meats and all K "In the shade of the Old Apple Tree" is a very popular song—Why not you be popular by trading at a popular store? L. J. MADDUX, Staple and Fancy Groceries Meats and all Kinds of Produce. HOME PHONE 784 WEST. Because its employees were late a London house provided a book in which the tardy ones were to write excuses. Reasons for lateness were not much varied. At the top of the page one would write "Train delayed," or "Omnibus horse died," as the case might be, and the rest fell into the habit of making ditto marks and letting it go at that. But not long ago one man had a new excuse. He wrote with pride: "Wife had twins." The second slow person that morning was in a great hurry, and did not notice the innovation, but made his customary ditto marks, and the rest of the men on that page followed suit. The excuse book was abolished. Example of the Postage Stamp ExAMPLE of the Postage Stamp. The late Judge Andrew Wylie, of Virginia, had a happy gift of illustration. The judge cast in 1860 the only vote for Lincoln that was given in Alexandria, Va. In an address on Lincoln he once illustrated in an odd way the power of perseverance. "Lincoln persevered," he said, "and it is only those who persevere, they who concentrate their energies, who succeed. Don't give three years to journalism and then, discouraged, try the law awhile. Don't learn the grocery business and in a little while take up placer mining or plumbing. Consider, rather, the postage stamp, whose useful depends on its ability to stick to one thing until it gets there." "Well," said the first policyholder, throwing aside his paper, "there is at least one thing we can be thankful for concerning our Mutual friend, Mr. McCurdy." "What's that?" inquired the second policyholder. "That he isn't a Mormon." 530 MINNESOTA AVE. 852 FREEMAN AVE. Telephone Home W. Raymond DIRECTOR rest of Service, Fine Carriage es, at all Hours. Enameled Ambulance for wounded reasonable. Call at 431 Minne as City, Kansay. University College, Normal, Sub-Normal and State Preparatory, Normal, Sub-Normal, Musical), including piano, organ and harp and Mechanical), Carpentry, Printing Course, Stenography and Typewriting, Plain Sewing, Cooking, Laundering ion, Healthful Climate, Good Influences, and all inducements offered NON, A. M., D. D. IDENT, KANSAS "White" 4302. Well—"West" 15. uncolored peoplelet set in the dark ect and drink muddy bad disease germs. Ever Light aner Water Eilter or as a Crystal and Healthy. at 75 cents. HERIDAN OM 8, KANSAS CITY, KANSAS The Tree" is a very popular song—Why popular store? ADDDUX, Ancy Groceries Kinds of Produce. KANSAS CITY, KANSAS Res. 420 Nebraska ave. Tel. 383 White SOUTH AMERICAN MEDICAL INSTITUTE Office Hours: From 10 a. m., till 4 p.m. and from 6 till 9 p. m. C. H, C. JORDAN, M. M., M. D. Here is the Place J. T. Roberts TONSORIAL PARLOR All the Latest Style Hair Cuts, Clean Shave strictly Up-to-Date 438 MINNESOTA AVE. An Old French Sailor. French seamen have a dozen in the person of a centenarian. The old sailor belongs alike to the navy and to the merchant service, for he served in both, and it would be difficult to say in which of the two his adventures were the most thrilling. His record includes three shipwrecks, the battle of Navarino, in which he won mention in orders, the blockade of Algeria, one capture by brigands, followed by himself and his companions seizing the Spanish ship which captured the corsair which had captured them. After serving many years before the most he became a master and small ship owner on his own account. His name is Pierre Loirat. He was born in November, 1805, and at 12 he went to sea. ROOM 8. The Evening Story. Breaking a Compact. By Belle Maniates. OM DALTON paced the blue gravel road in front of the paiatial hotel waiting for Dorothy. Waiting for Doro- had been his normal condition this mer. was a man whose well made holders alone marked him as a man tion. This new role of his was not entert with his principles and its. consulted his watch frequently said things under his breath, but astant he caught sight of the young form in the doorway he his impatience. like Dorothy's ingenuous, dazzling looked into his, he drew a quick and told himself she was well in the waiting, however prolonged. She was made for slaves, not for city. It did not even occur to her to ask him if she were late, or if he been waiting, long. She was an daughter and had been subjected to rules or regulations. If father, William Lloyd, had been suddenly troubled when approached on the subject of his love and for Dorothy, didn't know of a fellow anywhere as much of as I do you, Tom there is no one else whom I like to have for a son-in-law, you haven't said anything to her ag still, of course, she must know her!" and smiled. try likely. But I don't want you anything to her until you have her longer; until you are en- sure you care enough." m stared. do you think any one could know it all and not love her?" at all and not love her?" must admit," replied Lloyd, "that are done all we could to spoil day, and yet she is not spoiled— She has always had her own but it has been such a witching, way we were glad to give it to it is our dearest wish and hope she may always continue in her less role. he has many little characteristics we can laugh at, but which to a national, practical, systematic naïve yours I fear will prove dising. Her oblivion to the flight of her irresponsibility and utter ward of anything approaching a man will be wearisome to you. I after the glamor of courtship honeymoon is over. You must be her as she is with no thought ofiration." You protested that he loved Dorothy as she was, and that in naught did he have her changed, but Lloyd seen his looks of impatience and her sudden vanishing this morning. There'll come a time when his imance will linger after Dorothy's趴 on the scene," he reflected a sigh. while Tom was mildly remark- Dorothy that he feared they will be late for the starting of the atta. Dorothy gaily rejoined that had never seen the starting of ling. I am dreadfully unpunctual," she is with a little sigh. "It's incon- fort for my friends, but I can't kill. I get up late in the morning everything has begun. I've never the first act of a matinee yet!." start you breakfast with your her and mother?" he asked gravely. Breakfast!" she echoed, with a lit- trick. "I've never seen a break- table. I was brought up that I was a delicate child and they awoke me, and now, oh, there’s something deadly in the early morn- sunshine! It seems so lonely at starting of day. Do you think it is a crime as your face indicates?" I really think you ought to break- with your parents, Dorothy." was seriously spoken rejoinder. Do you, Tom?" she asked dejected- He doesn't know—he can't imag- what a difficult thing it would be me! she thought. "It would be strange to me as it would to I inspiration came to her. tom," she added, "If I turn over a leaf and get up to breakfast,,will do something for me?" She face glowed with enthusiasm, something else. There's nothing in the world I didn't do for you, Dorothy-" was a newspaper men's conven- ation a number of journalists were one person talking of the tricks of many faithless types," when "Marse" Watterson said: "While I've heard of a great many typographical breaks in my books about the oddest and most hum- nious transposition of the types that and smiled. "Well, I'll get up to breakfast and make an effort to be on time if you will—part your hair in the middle!" "What!" "Yes, it's the only flaw I've discovered in you, Tom. I can't bear hair parted on the side. It's so old-fashioned!" "But I'd look perfectly idiotic with my hair parted in the middle!" he protested, appalled at the prospect. "Now, you can see," she cried in triumph, with dancing eyes, "how strange it would seem to have me get up in the morning." Tom saw that this was his hour and he met it unfinishedly. "It's a compact, Dorothy! I'll part my hair in the middle or anywhere if you will get up in the morning and occasionally consult a timepiece." That same evening Dorothy received the first piece of advice ever bestowed upon her by her adoring father. "You are quite grown up, Dorothy," he suggested gently, "and don't you think you should be a little more systematic or punctual in your mode of life," "Et tu, Brute!" she thought, saying aloud: "Say no more, papa! I have promised Tom to get up to breakfast every morning and that I would try and be 'on time' generally." "You have!" he exclaimed in surprise, and with the thought that she surely must love Tom. "Yes—for a consideration. He is to part his hair in the middle." "Tom Dalton part his hair in the middle! I'd as soon think of Abraham Lincoln dressed as Little Lord Fauntleroy." This comparison amused Dorothy and she began to wonder how Tom would look. "I've invited him to breakfast with us tomorrow, so we will have an opportunity to see how his hair becomes him." Dorothy did not face the next morning in a spirit of buoyancy. She came into the dining room listlessly and with a feeling that life was a desolate waste. Her father and mother were already at the table and Tom soon entered looking sheepish and conscious. An unwilling smile of amusement was forced back by Dorothy as she looked at his hair and expression. It was incongruous, but she was not going to admit it. Her words were few, her voice sad, her manner martyred, throughout the meal. When, later, Tom came to take her for a drive she was patiently and dejectedly waiting for him. In the evening she was again on schedule time. Three days of methodical life dragged on and then Tom felt that he could no longer endure the new life and the surprised glances at his head "Dorothy," he said impatiently, "you seem unhappy. Will you tell me why? is it coming to breakfast?" "No, Tom," she replied with a little laugh that was more like a sob. "I think it's your hair. I can't bear to look at you," and she burst forth into tearful laughter. "Dorothy, darling," he said, "I am glad you can't. Let me, too, make a confession. I have learned that your most delightful trait was your blissful disregard of time. To come in from, the city where man, woman and child were on a mad rush for trains and see your delicious oblivion to the twelve figures on a timepiece was most restful." "Then shall we go back to our old life?" she cried joyfully. "Yes—or will you begin a new life with me, Dorothy?" "Without breakfast?" she asked entreatingly. "Without breakfast!" he replied solemnly. They were waltzing at Luna Park and he had walked on her feet for about three minutes, when he paused to wipe his brow. But she was game. "Oh, let's have another round!" she cried. "All right," he answered, with a faraway look in his eyes; "but this one's on me."—Cleveland Leader. "That little minnow," said the first fish, "seems to have gotten a big opinion of himself all of a sudden." "Yes," replied the other; "he managed to wriggle off a hook this morning, and then heard the fisherman bragging about his size."—Philadelphia Ledger. ever came within my observation was that in a New York paper some years ago. That sheet used to print its shipping news on the same page with the obituaries. Imagine the glee with which its readers found the captions exchanged one morning whereby a long list of respectable names were set forth under the marine head, 'Passed Through Hell Gate Yesterday.'"—Harper's Weekly. "Davy," said the old man Hynes to his young nephew the other morning, "they say the President has sent a special message to Congress, and it's in the paper this morning. I've lost my glasses and wish you'd read it to your poor old uncle." Davy was just ready to go out and play ball with the boys, but being a dutiful lad he turned back and picked up the paper and began: "During the past year 22,326 new applications for army and navy pensions have been filed, and it has been discovered that kerosene will answer for piano polish if rubbed on with a red woolen rag. It also cleanses and preserves from the ravages of insects." "Lord save me, but I never heard a President's message start out that way before!" gasped the old man. "But they can start out most any old way, can't they?" replied Davy, and he went on to read: "During the year 3,264,657 acres of the public domain have been given over to the railroads, and you will save money by patronizing Brown's shoe store. Great bargains in shopworn goods. Come to the red front store." "By gum, Davy, but does the message read that way!" exclaimed the old man. "You can read for yourself and see." "I never heard of a President puffing a shoe store before, but maybe I'm getting behind the age. Go on." "There are 17,452 survivors of the Mexican war, all of whom are on the pension rolls, and Parker & Taylor have just received another lot of those colored shirts at 75 cents. They are the equal of any one dollar shirt bought elsewhere." "Hold on, Davy—stop right there! You needn't read another word of that special message. I've had enough." A A Definition. Jimmy—What does "unseemly lev- ity mean? Tommy—That's when somebody's laughin' at you. A The Rival Captains. Chimmie—G'wan, you're no ballplayer. Yer couldn't ketch a fowl if it was moultn! Patsy—Gittout, you couldn't ketch a fly if it was stuck on sticky fly paper till it was dead as merlasses! What Made Him Think of It. "Pa!" "Well, Johnny?" "What does the devil look like?" "Why, I don't know—I never saw the devil. Er, by the way Mary, is your mother going to visit us this fall?—Cleveland Leader. Good judgment is often mistaken for old fogyism. CAT HAD SEVEN OWNERS. Even Though It Did Not Possess Nine Lives. W. L. Alden writes amusingly in Harper's Magazine of an incident in his wanderings in Italy, where he befriended a touring Englishman accused of running over and causing the death of a cat. The author volunteered as intrepreter, and this is his account of the trial. "The judge bowed to me in recognition of my good offices, and I was about to ask his permission to make a statement when he waved his hand, implying that I should wait until the witnesses had been examined. I know what that magistrate's hand wished to say as if he had spoken audibly and at length. "Five men and two women severally swore that they were the owners in part of the deceased cat, and that it had been wickedly and purposely killed by the accused. Four other witnesses, who disclaimed ownership in the cat, sustained the testimony of the seven cat owners, and described the death of the animal with a wealth of indignation that would have been justified only in the case of the wanton killing of an exceptionally valuable baby. Then the magistrate turned to the Englishman and solemnly said: 'Accused! It is established by the testimony of these good people that you have killed a cat. Moreover, that it was an important cat, belonging to the seven bereaved persons, whose names the clerk will now read aloud.' "The seven names were read and the magistrate asked the Englishman if he had anything to say in his defense. "I replied for him, saying that he did not understand Italian, and wished me to act as intrepreter. I said that neither of us could understand how the cat could possibly have seven owners, and that the Englishman wished to have this matter explained. "Here in Piacenza,' replied the magistrate, gently, 'it is not uncommon for a prominent cat to have several owners. If a person cannot afford to keep an entire cat he cat with others who take shares in the cat and become its joint owners. This lamented animal who met with such a sudden and painful death was, as I have said, the property of the seven persons now in court, and they are entitled to payment for their sad loss." "I translated the magistrate's explanation to the Englishman, who received it with an impassive face and the remark that it was 'deuced rum.' To my inquiry as to what he might wish me to say in his defense he replied: "Oh, I killed the cat straight enough. Tell the beak that I did it because I was trying not to kill an old woman. Tell him I did knock an old woman down and am ready to pay damages for it, but I'm blessed if I'm going to pay for a beastly cat." "The magistrate waved the matter of the old woman aside as of trivial importance. "No complaint has been made as to the complete or partial killing of any old woman,' he remarked. 'What is now before the court is the far more important affair of the cat. I have the most profound respect for the noble English nation, and would gladly show to your friend any possible favor, but justice must be maintained. I, therefore, decree that he shall pay to each owner of the deceased cat 5 francs, besides a fine of 10 francs more, making in all 45 francs. Unless this is paid I must commit him to prison.' "The Englishman, after some little argument on my part, decided that resistance was useless. He paid over the frances, and was informed that he was at liberty to go where he pleased, provided he abstained from slaughtering cats. The bereaved cat owners were quite satisfied with their respective 5 frances and the magistrate complimented us on the promptness with which Englishmen always pay their debts. "Tell him,' said the Englishman, 'that he has not heard the last of this outrage. Tell him that I shall write to the Times.'* Hard on Cats. Recently forty-one dead cats were found on the streets of Wilmington, Del., in one week. The board of health at first thought somebody was poisoning the felines, but the officials have concluded that the cats were killed by the hot weather. Chance in the Vegetable world Chance plays an important role in the vegetable world. In autumn the squirrel mounts the branches of oak trees, strips off the acorns and buries them in the earth. His memory is poor, and he forgets some of the acorns. Thus by accident a magnificent tree grows up. Is it by accident or by design of nature that the squirrel has a bad memory? In a little rose garden of long ago The ghosts of my dead loves walk; And with whispers low and footsteps slow, I listen as they talk. Ah, dear, sweet dreams of the yester years Why should you haunt me so. With mocking fears and idle tears— Why should I sorrow know? I would drift in my boat on the sea of dreams, Far out from this garden so fair. Where the sun's warm beams on the ocean seems To brighten my dull despair. -A. Maria Crawford, Bob Taylor's Maga- zine. The House that Jack Built. The story of a suit for damages recently decided in a German village reads like a revised version of "The House that Jack Built." In this case a cat was chased by a dog and ran into a stable and jumped on the back of a cow that was being milked and the cow was frightened and kicked the milkmaid off her stool and the milkmaid's feelings were hurt and she sued Captain Schorn owner of the dog and Herr Von-Dorn owner of the cat and her employer the Dairyman Herr Kameler owner of the cow for damages and the court awarded her $36 and each defendant had to pay one third. So there you have the whole matter in a breath. As the local poet wrote: This is the dog of Captain Schorn That chased the cat of Herr Von Dorn That chased the cat of Herr Von Dorn That scratched the cow with the crumpled horn That kicked the maiden all forlorn Whose testimony duly corn Of feelings hurt and clothing torn Impelled the judge all shaven and shorn To mulch and fine that very morn The dairyman and Herr Von Dorn As well as gallant Captain Schorn Who owned the dog That milked in the barn at Redwitz. —Woman's Home Companion. If peek-a-boo waists are worn because they are cool and for no other reason, why don't men wear peek-a-boo tops to their shirts? VARIOCELE A Safe, Painless, Permanent Cure GUARANTEED. 30 years' experience. No money accepted until patient is with consultation and valuable Book FREE, by mail or at office. DR C. M. COE, 915 Walnut St., Kansas City, Mo. TAPE-WORM Expelled in 1900 seat. no. No notice. Large pamphlets. minute with DR. M. NSY Smith, Specialist, 81F Pierst, Louis, Mo. 13 WEEKS FREE Or 15 Months for Only $1.00 The Kansas Farmer The "old reliable" KANSAS FARMER, established in 1863, the best genuine agricultural weekly paper in the West. It solves the problems for the busy farmer. It helps and interests every member of the farmer's family. It has 12 regular departments. Its contributors are expert authorites. It contains 24 to 32 pages each week. Sent on trial three months free. Test it. Clip the coupon below. THE KANSAS FARMER CO, Toncka, Kansas. I accept your trial offer to new subscribers to send me the KANSAS FARMER three months free. At the end of the three months I will either send $1.00 for a full year from that date or write you to stop the paper, and you are to make no charge for the three months' trial. Name. P. O. EMPLOYMENT. Facts and Experiences Related to the Country's Workshop. A cost clerk hired in time cheats the bankruptcy court of many a case. Why overwork your memory when ticker cards are so cheap and so sure? The rich would not be so willing to buy their wealth if they realized how long they would have to pay for it. The man who seems the busiest is not always the one who is really doing the most. The Barber Asphalt Paving company announces that henceforth it will employ no women. "I am not looking for a position" said the young man. "I am simply trying to float some of my mental securities." Many a failure in business is making money writing advice to young men. A pretty safe road to success is the one that leads to the nearest savings bank every pay day. If you don't like your job get out and let some one else have a chance at it. That's giving both yourself and your employer a square deal. HOLD UP! and consider THE POMMEL FISH BRAND SLICKER LIKE ALL TOWERS WATERPROOF CLOTHING. Is made of the best materials in biodegradable fibre guaranties and sold by reliable dealers worldwide 417 STICK TO THE SIGN OF THE FISH TOWER CANADA COLUMBIA TORONTO, CAN BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS CARITATION LOCATED AT 28TH WYNDOTTLE. BEST BILLS HELD HERE BEST INVALID'S HOME IN THE WEST. Organized with a full of physicians and surgeons for treatment of all Chronic THIRTY ROOMS for accommodation of patients. Difficult Surgical Operations Performed with Skill and Success when Surgery is Necessary. DISEASES OF WOMEN Well equipped to treat diseases of women. Many who have survived cured at home. Special book for women FREE PILES PERMANENT CURE POSITELY GUARANTEED Without knife, signature or caustic. No money accepted until patient will beSpecial book FREE. WARICOOELE Radically under a Positive Guarantee. Send for Special FREE Book New restorative treatment for loss of Vital Power, Hydrocele, Rupture, Stricture, etc CRIPPLED CHILDREN CURED by improved methods. Trained attendants. WRITE FOR FREE BOOK ON Club Feet, Curvature of Lung, Eye, Skin, Hip, Humerus, Humeroid, Epilepsy, Catarrh. Blood and Stomach Troubles. Nervous Diseases. Patients successfully treated at home by mail. Consultation Free and confidential, at office or by letter. Thirty years' experience. 170 page Illustrated Book Free, giving much valuable information. Call at office or write to DR. C. M. COE, KANSAS CITY, MO. PRIVATE HOME for confinement cases. Addition to Beautiful grounds and building. Location and surroundings very exclusive. Strictly ethical. For full participants. address U.S. S. Hughes, M. D., Offices: 15-16, 1214 Main St. KANSAS CITY, MO. The Publishers Newspaper Union. K. C. Mo., Lincoln, Neb. V I X NO. 27 ```markdown ``` No fee charged unless collection is made. ANTHORRY P. WILSON, Atty. We make collections in all parts of the United States. 413 Kansas Avenue, TOPEKA, KANSAS. I can sell your Real Estate or Business no matter where located Properties and Business of all kinds sold quickly for cash in all parts of the Un- ited States. Don't wait. Write today de- scribing what you have to sell and give Cash price on same. If you Want to Buy any kind of Business or Real Estate any- where, at any price, write me your re- quirements. I save you time and money. She—Oh, where am I? He—The strain was too great and you fainted. She—It—it must have been the high attitude. Did—did you kiss me while I was unconscious? He—Well, I'll admit that I did take one. She—One! Why I counted seven before I came to—"Woman's ilome Companion. Deafness Cannot Be Cured by local applications, as they cannot reach the diseased portion of the ear. There is only one way to cure deafness, and that is by constitutional remedies. Deafness is caused by an inflamed condition of the mucous lining of the Eustachian Tube. When this tube is inflamed you have a rumbling sound or imperfect hearing and when it is entirely closed, Deafness is the result, and unless the inflammation can be taken out and this tube restored to its normal condition, hearing will be destroyed forever; nine cases out of ten are caused by Catarrh, which is nothing but an inflamed condition of the mucous surfaces. We will give One Hundred dollars for any case of Deafness (caused by catarrh) that cannot be cured by Hall's Catarrh Cure. Send for circulars free. F. J. CHENEY & Co. Toled, O. Sold by Drugstores, price 75c Take Hall's Family Pills for constipation Good Feeding. The Thin Skeeter—Well, say, you look like ready money. You must be having a prosperous season. Where are you stopping? The Fat Skeeter—Me? Oh, I'm living in the back of a peek-a-boo walst.—Puck. Mothers are wonderfully patient considering there is no prize up. A COTTAGE IN THE WESTERN TERRACE OF THE COTTAGE IN THE WESTERN TERRACE (With apologies to John G. Whittier, hoping that the Celestial Record won't reprint it and humiliate John.) Tootie Tittle on a summer day naked the meadow sweet with hay. 'Neath her Gainsb'ro', soft and faint. Glowed the color that's what it ain't. Sang the lark from youder tree; 'Look at the openwork stockin's, gee!' She wore short skirts and a peek-a-boo. The holes in which the sun shone through. And the wise old larks they coughed "Ahem;" For the peek-a-boo were now to them! For the peek-a-boos were new to them! And whilst they coughed and queried quizzers, Tootle got blue and cried, "O scissors' 'Things on this dump are slow today; I wish some fairy would send a jay! 'Who blow himself for feed and wine— skidoo to this hawk!—none for mine!!' Then came the judge—some fairy sent— With eyes on the peek-a-boo quite intent. "Good morning, fair one," said the gay old toff (Judges are different on the bench and off). And the judge climbed down from his chestnut horse— Lovemaking followed, as a matter of course. The sun dwelt low at the close of day. When they wandered home thro' the unmown hay. "Wilt thou tell me who thou art?" said the judge. Tootle tittered and said, "Oh, fudge! "I'm one of" and she shook her curls, "The original Florodora girls." His judgement ducked and released her arm. And fled to his horse in wild alarm! Nor delayed nor stopped not even a lot. Till there were miles between himself and Tot; Then slid from his horse and muttered he in mingled fear and gratitude, "Gee! If my constituency'd found this out, by hen. I shiver t' think o' what might have been!" —Houston Chronicle. Much good money is wasted every year in the purchase of nursery stock that is "the greatest wonder of the age." People keep on buying this sort of things and probably will continue to do so. Some enterprising man, out of a job perhaps, or possibly because there is money to be made at it; arranges with some grower of nursery stock to fill his orders with the cheapest sort of seedling apple trees. The A "Josiah," asked Mrs. Chugwater, "what is a grand duke?" "I just expected I'd have to answer that question some time," impatiently responded Mr. Chugwater. "The only grand duke I've ever seen, that I remember now, is Jim Jeffries' list." Breach of Promise. "She says they're engaged, and he says they're not. Now, what do you make of that?" "I think it will take a jury to decide."—New York Press. Popularity. "Why is that Russian official putting on so many airs about his popularity? "No one has thrown a bomb at him for three weeks."—Washington Star. The Kansas Liar Abroad. Contractor (for building skyscraper) —"Have you ever worked high up in the air!... Applicant for Job—Yes, sir; I have helped gather several Kansas corn crus. —Chicago Tribune. Pride. "You need not be so critical!" said the person accused. "You say I have a vinegar disposition, but every one knows you have one, too." "I acknowledge it," retorts the accuser, "But mine is a genuine pure cider vinegar disposition, while yours is the commercial compound of sulphuric acid and water."—Woman's Home Companion. TRIBUNE'S SENTENCE SERMONS. His loss is greatest who refuses all loss. The hardest fortune of all is to find fortune easily. Environment may determine character, but it depends on you to determine environment. Farm, Garden and Orchard. Just for fun. agent starts out and names it "the ever-bearing pumpkin apple." Trees are sold for 50 cents or $1 each, and the purchaser plants "the ever bearing pumpkin apple" tree, watches it closely for four or six years, and at last there are a few blossoms. What delicious "pumpkin apples" will be his! When fall arrives and a few little sour apples are all that are secured there is considerable disappointment, but usually further hopes for future development. If plain, reliable trees of Missouri pippin, Ben Davis, winesap, Jonathan, Arkansas black, maiden blush, or any other standard varieties had been planted, good fruit would have been secured instead of nothing. This is but an illustration. The principle holds good in the purchase of seeds and plants of every sort. Purchasing seeds and plants from well-known nurserymen and seedmen is the best and safest plan. Expectations of a great deal for nothing, or of securing something unusually profitable will not be realized. Fruits are mentioned particularly because of the frequency of deception in tree selling and of the ease with which profitable, thrifty, reliable nursery stock may be secured. Cucumbers. I raise five crops instead of one on the same ground, and on the same vines with hardly any extra work. Plant in the usual way. When a cucumber is taken from the vine let it be cut with a knife, leaving about an eighth of an inch of the cucumber on the stem. Then slit the stem with a knife from its end to the vine twice, leaving a small portion of the cucumber on each division. On each separate slit there will be a cucumber as large as the first. By this method you will only need one-fifth of the ground that you would need if growing cucumbers in the old way.—Walter Strosnilder in Epitomist. Avoiding Hog Cholera An Illinois stockman tells the following story anent his experience in raising hogs amid menacing conditions: "I believe implicitly in the proposition that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Our neighbor's hogs were dying of cholera and of course it was only a question of time, we thought, when the disease would attack and decimate our herd. A Good Carver. The girl in the white bathing suit sneered as the automobile droned by. "You said he was the carver of his own career," she exclaimed, nodding toward the occupant of the superb car. "Why, I learned today that all he did was to marry an heiress." "Well," her companion explained, "he cut out seven other chaps in order to get her, didn't he?"—Los Angeles Times. A Hem. The seamstress leads a life of simple duty, And from her honest toil comes honest cheer; While others thread the paths of wealth and beauty, Life seams just sew-sew in her hemmy sphere. my sphere. -Nixon Waterman in Woman's Home Companion. ☆ No Grafter, He. At least one boy in the city of New York, has not learned the meaning and practice of graft, says the Sun of that city. Last week a man over in Brooklyn sent a small boy in his neighborhood to deliver a note to a young woman who lived a couple of blocks away. He gave the boy a quarter to make him hurry. In due time the messenger came back and returning the money, said: "Miss B— said she will be glad to see you tonight, but she didn't want the quarter." You cannot atta! eminence by climbing on the fence. Temptation seldom wastes any time on a full heart. Present achievement often is the foe of full possibility. It's easy to think you are serious when you are soured. But we took a stitch in time and it saved the entire herd. We gave the hogs calomel. It acts as a physic, thoroughly purging the bowels, and this is of the most vital importance. Place ten grains of calomel in a piece of "crackling" about the size of a walnut and see that each animal gets his dose. One dose is sufficient in most cases, but no harm will be done if another be given a few days later." It is self-evident that if proper measures be resorted to prior to the introduction of the disease into the herd it may be avoided. When once it has attacked the hogs there is little or no hope of suppressing it. Hog cholera may successfully be combated, however, by buttressing, as it were the herd so that the germs may not find congenial lodging places.—Farmer's Voice. ```markdown ``` The Largest Grapevine In the World. Down in Southern California, in the beautiful sun-kissed Carpenteria Valley—a valley so safely sheltered by the Santa Ynez Mountains—a young Spanish woman named Joquin Lugodi Ayala planted a small grape twig in the year 1842. And as the years followed one another that twig grew and grew, till today it is the largest grapevine in the world. At the ground the trunk, which long ago ceased to be a vine, measures 10 feet in circumference. At a distance of 5 feet above the ground its girth is 7 feet 11 inches. The trellis, which is completely hidden by branches and runners, is 100x110 feet in dimensions, thus covering about one-fourth of an acre of ground. st for fu Talking Shop. "What did you get out of that will case?" asked the first lawyer. "Two hundred and fifty thousand dollars," replied the second lawyer. "Good, round sum, eh?" "Yes; but I thought the old man left more than that."—Louisville Courier-Journal. A QUEST ```markdown ``` A QUESTION. Mr. Busyman—Well, my son? Little Stanley—Paw, when a doctor doctor him, is the doctor doctored to does the doctor doctor him just as Charity becomes bribery as soon as you use it as a bait. A little practice of religion cures a lot of philosophy about it. Faith is not faith until it gets into your fingers and your feet. Little Stanley-Paw, when a doctor is sick and calls in another doctor to doctor him, is the doctor doctored the way he wants to be doctored or does the doctor doctor him just as he thinks he ought to be doctored? The largest moral muscles are not those that move the tongue. Little Stanley—Daw-uh! To Get Rid of Rats. Dissolve five pounds copperas in ten gallons of water and add enough fresh slacked lime to make a moderately thick whitewash. Apply to all places where the rats congregate and they will desert the place at once. Put some of the wash into and around their holes and along their runways wherever possible to do so. They will change to other places, but you must follow them up with the wash, and eventually they will leave your place altogether and will not return while the wash remains. How Cider is Made in Devonshire How Older is Made in Devonshire. The men have already appeared when breakfast is finished, and have brought with them a load of dry stalks for the base of the ricks that are to be built in the fields. Up the ```markdown ``` It is claimed that a few years ago, before the vine had undergone a thorough pruning, 800 persons stood under its deep shade at one time, and, to quote an old Californian who was one of that company, "nobody was crowded for elbow room." The vine is still in a vigorous condition and yields an enormous amount of grapes. In 1895 its crop was weighed, and it actually bore ten tons of grapes. Of course, this did not include the bushels of grapes that had been picked off by visitors and the family that owned it at the time before that year's crop was gathered. Some of the largest clusters are said to have weighed from 8 to 10 pounds each. in. Wireless Whispers. Mrs. Windfall—Just imagine, Hiram! One of the sailors just told me that his boat is now in communication with her sister ship. I wonder what the conversation is about. Mr. Windfall—Lumph! Most likely each is asking the other if her cargo is on straight!—Puck. is sick and calls in another doctor to the way he wants to be doctored or he thinks he ought to be doctored? It takes more than a heroic resolution to resolve one into a hero. The appeal to conscience will not save the intellect from its activity. A man's contributions are apt to be in the inverse ratio to his kicks. The strength of the vertebra does not depend on the starch in the collar. ```markdown ``` INDIA POST OFFICE narrow path we go past the, orchard where the piles of apples already lie rotting, Butter Boxes and Sour Herefords and Kingston Bitters. Soon they will be taken to the pound house, where they will be crushed on the press between hair cloths, and the juice carried into the celiar. After a few days when fermentation has begun it will be drawn off in casks prepared with burning sulphur, that fermentation may be retarded and the saccharine retained, and then, after two or three "rackings" or changes, the casks will be "bunged" and let lie for three months. Some years Devonshire cider brings Hodges as much as twelve dollars and fifty cents a cask of sixty-three gallons, and some years as little as two dollars, but whatever the surplus supply yields, Hodges himself must have enough, for each member of the family drinks more cider than the average London woman drinks tea. The Outing Magazine. Seeding Alfalfa. The success of alfalfa depends so largely on the condition of land when seed are planted that very intelligent care should now be given to prospective alfalfa fields that are to be seeded this fall. If the land has been in small spring grain and is hard and compact, the first summer plowing given it should not be over deep or clogs will be turned up which no summer rains will pulverize. Turn plowing to a depth of 3 to 5 inches, followed by a second plowing of greater depth will be found thoroughly practical and will do much to guarantee the rapid growth and strong development of the young plants this fall. We would much rather have as a seed bed for alfalfa a 4-inch soil well moistened and thoroughly fined by harrowing, than a 6-inch freshly plowed mass of half moist, loose soil particles through which the hot September air circulates with destructive effect. On unplowed alfalfa land at this date give only normal plowing, with thorough harrowing, and if later seasons are good plow deeper and so "cinch" the season for the use of the crop—Farm and Ranch. People laugh as heartily when they hear a rooster make his first attempt to crow as they do when they hear a boy make his first attempt to whistle. A Fair Exchange. The man who had purchased some currant buns at a bakery was distress-ed on starting to eat one to find that it contained a fly. Returning to the bakery, he made an indignant complaint, demanding another bun in place of the inhabited one. "I am sorry, sir" said the sales woman. "I can't give you another bun, but if you will bring me back the fly, I will give you a currant for it." $$$$ In this sign they conquer Business, church and scholars; Everybody gets on top When he has the $$$$$$. Future Promise. She—If I marry you, Fred, will you promise to take me to the theater, or out to dinner, at least three times a week? He—Well, maybe I won't be able to get off always, but if I don't, I'll find another chap to take you. She—Oh, Fred, you are just the loveliest fellow on earth—The Bohemian Supposition. Mr. Snags—I understand Bliffkins is married. Mrs. S.—Is that so. Who's his wife? Mr. S.—Mrs. Bliffkins, I suppose.—The Bohemian Anyway you get a run for your money in the pace that kills.—The Bohemian. The man who tears down reputations always gets most of the dirt himself. A man does not establish the tenderness of his heart by the softness of his head. The crime of heresy is that it would make some men do their thinking all over again. Foul Odors In Cellar. When cellars become musty and odors are noticed, the best to do is to close all the doors and dows and burn enough sulphur the cellar room with dense f Leave it closed for an hour of then open the doors and when Next, whitewash the walls and ce with two coats of good whitewash phur gas is heavy and settles, care must be used to agitate in the cellar by selecting a wifi for the work. Sulphur fumes stroy all kinds of germs. Late Weeds The late weeds in the garden that come in August and September are the ones that produce seed in the fact is noticed, and thus stay ground with weeds the next year garden is often neglected late in summer, but it should be kept of weeds until frost, and the result be a great saving of labor in the ing of small fruits and vegetable most of the work required is of the weeds and grass which sprout at all times. New Use for Watermelons A Georgia farmer is said to have come the pioneer in a new method namely, making syrup out of melons. He cuts the melons in scoops out the pulp, runs it through cider mill, presses out the juice then boils the liquid for twelve over a hot fire. Out of 270 worth $5 or $6 at wholesale, the thirty gallons of syrup and the product at 50 cents a gallon refuse is fed to the hogs, chickens, and the whole operat very profitable. Mary and the Hogs. Last summer a well known p went with his family to a s side resort on the east coast, s London Tribune, and boarded farmer who was in the habit of paying guests. This year he he the farmer, and in his letter "There are several little matters I desire changed should I des pass my holidays at your ho don't like the maid, Mary; m we do not think a sty so house is sanitary." The far plied: "Mary is went, and we 'ad no hogs since you went in August." When President Hadley of the professor of political science the student once offered him a purpose for a bad examination paper. Prof. Hadley listened to the in silence. Then he said, with a smile: "That excuse is about as poor one the criminal lawyer offered client in a case that had gone with him. "Gentlemen of the jury," lawyer, eloquently, 'remember client is hard of hearing, therefore the voice of consuls peals to him in vain.' The Forgetful Saurian A colored preacher took some dates for immersion down in Louisiana. Seeing some illusion the stream, one of them objected "Why, brother," urged the "can't you trust the Lord? He care of Jonah, didn't he?" "Y-e-s" admitted the darky, whale's diff'rent. A whale's good ory, but ef one o' dem 'gators swaller dis nigger, he'd jest's sleep dar in de sun an' fergit me."—Woman's Home Companion The Hesitant Swain He—What would your father told him I wanted to marry you She—He'd refer the matter to He (hopefully) —And what you do? She—I'd refer the matter young man who proposed to was accepted while you were to make up your mind. The B for September. Its fleas were white as snow And Mary made a fortune on A Wonder Insect Show. BAE Lulu—Where did you learn love Willie? Yur pa and ma loving.